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This morning my mother wrote to ask if I'm still on my meds and adhering to best practices for Bipolar II
I assume it's because I posted the video of me getting threatened by AR-15 guy to Facebook, which I knew she wouldn't like for many reasons
It's also high-risk behavior
I assume it's because I posted the video of me getting threatened by AR-15 guy to Facebook, which I knew she wouldn't like for many reasons
It's also high-risk behavior
One of the worst things about having a mental illness is that everything you do is suspect. When people don't like something you do, they can blame the illness. This isn't the "real you." Must be time for a med adjustment.
It robs me of agency
It robs me of agency
This isn't the first time this has happened. She isn't the only person who's done it. It hurts every time
I do it to myself too. Every thought is suspect. Every mood. Am I happy or hypomanic? Am I sad or crashing? Is my brain working, or do I just think it is?
Am I crazy?
I do it to myself too. Every thought is suspect. Every mood. Am I happy or hypomanic? Am I sad or crashing? Is my brain working, or do I just think it is?
Am I crazy?
Today, thinking about whether she's right to ask, I suddenly realized it doesn't matter
Don't get me wrong. Meds and maintainance are real important to keep me functional and not a miserable wreck of a person. I could never have done what I do now unmedicated. I tried for years
Don't get me wrong. Meds and maintainance are real important to keep me functional and not a miserable wreck of a person. I could never have done what I do now unmedicated. I tried for years
But I'm always going to be someone with Bipolar II, even when under control with medication. That's not an inauthentic part of me
If it means I have a higher risk tolerance than most people? Seek out exciting situations? Make important decisions quickly?
That's actually OK
If it means I have a higher risk tolerance than most people? Seek out exciting situations? Make important decisions quickly?
That's actually OK
Why am I going through my life trying so hard to be some model neurotypical person? I'm not one. I'm never going to be one
I should be striving for a functional and happy life, whatever that looks like for me. And you know what? I have that. Right now
I'm not sorry
I should be striving for a functional and happy life, whatever that looks like for me. And you know what? I have that. Right now
I'm not sorry
As I contemplate the "post" button, I ponder the ramifications of talking openly about mental illness while the eyes of Andy Ngo's goons are fixed firmly upon me. I anticipate muting comments on this thread quicky
Fuck it. None of you people matter to me
I know who I am
Fuck it. None of you people matter to me
I know who I am
