when you go to a rich white gay couple's place after they've been married for two years four months and are shopping for a third on the apps, you are not just allowed, you are *obligated* to steal shit from their house

bring a duffel bag so you don't have to limit yourself to stealing small shit, you can say you came straight from The Gym, you can't steal the MacBook Pros on the first trip unless they say "we're so JAZZED to SPICE things UP" in which case all bets are off, get the good silver

if you see a framed photo of either of them with any Republican elected official or Meghan McCain? friend, you need to take the Audi. there will be always an Audi and a Land Rover, and the Audi is the one you want to steal, you can get any shady fuck to work on it if you pay cash