when you go to a rich white gay couple& #39;s place after they& #39;ve been married for two years four months and are shopping for a third on the apps, you are not just allowed, you are *obligated* to steal shit from their house

bring a duffel bag so you don& #39;t have to limit yourself to stealing small shit, you can say you came straight from The Gym, you can& #39;t steal the MacBook Pros on the first trip unless they say "we& #39;re so JAZZED to SPICE things UP" in which case all bets are off, get the good silver

if you see a framed photo of either of them with any Republican elected official or Meghan McCain? friend, you need to take the Audi. there will be always an Audi and a Land Rover, and the Audi is the one you want to steal, you can get any shady fuck to work on it if you pay cash