OK Twitter, help me out with some consumer advice. I want to buy an all in one printer, to do home office things. Occasional scanning, regular printing stuff so I have to stare at a computer screen less

I want it to be dead simple because computers frighten and confuse me. The number one thing I am looking for is that I don't want to have to subscribe to like a HP account that has my social security number and sends a guy to break my knees if I don't buy their ink

Their precious precious ink

I just want to give them my money, and then they give me their machine, and then that is the end of our relationship. No accounts or printing via their online portal or any of that. Just an exchange of money for a thing

Does this exist? Or do you have to marry the daughter of the HP associate VP in charge of surveillance, ink, and legbreaking and put it on your network to own a printer now? I just want to plug it in to my laptop and print a word document. That is all.