since it’s #NationalComingOutDay , i figured i’d tell the story of the first guy i almost had a relationship with in high school

i won’t use his actual name, so for the purpose of this story i’ll call him daniel

so i’d known daniel since middle school. we had had a few classes together, and had the same circle of friends, but we’d never really gotten to know each other. but i always had a soft spot for him. in freshman year of high school we had geometry together

and we had assigned seats in that class. the teacher put me at a table with him and one other guy. (fun fact, but actually really, really sad fact, the other guy was a huge part of my coming out story too, but that’s a story for another time)

geometry was when i actually got to know him, and we became friends. i suspected he may have been bi, but at the time, i was distracted with the other guy sitting with us so i never really thought anything of it (do not fall for straight guys, it never ends well!)

so come sophomore year, i’m out to my friends and i had gotten over the other guy, so everything was right in the world. i didn’t have any classes with daniel that year, which sucked, but we would always talk at our lockers in the morning before first period, which was enough

he was slightly taller than me, had tan skin, brown eyes, brown hair, and light brown freckles on his nose and cheeks. basically, he was really really cute. we were the only two guys in a friend group of all girls

but i always felt comfortable being myself around him. he was a tense guy but his personality came out when he was around me; we made each other happy. but i could sense that the looks people sometimes gave us made him uncomfortable

that year, everyone in our group had the same lunch block, but some drama had broken out between 2 girls in our friend group over the summer. they refused to sit with each other at lunch, which basically split the group into 2, with me and daniel on opposites sides (it’s dumb ik)

everything stayed the same between us at first, we still talked in the mornings at our lockers, and sometimes on snapchat, but he sucked at social media. naturally, without being able to see each other at lunch, and without having a class together, we started to drift apart

but then the girls dropped their beef, and the group was whole again; meaning daniel started sitting at my lunch table. and slowly, but surely, we ended up sitting in seats next to each other. we started getting closer again, and everyday after lunch he’d walk me to my 6th period

this was when i started developing feelings for him. when the two of us talked, it seemed like everyone else around us disappeared. i’m not one for prolonged eye contact, but i could literally stare into his eyes forever

in the hall on the way to 6th period, he would always walk slightly behind me so that our shoulders and thighs touched

he had math before lunch and i had it after, so every friday he’d give me a run down of the weekly quiz. we both had the same graphing calculator that let us take notes (the teachers had no idea about this feature ), so he’d write every test problems in his notes for me

and at lunch he’d give me his calculator and i gave him mine; so i basically had the entire test before i even got to class. eventually we started writing small messages for each other to read when we swapped calculators; it was really cute

this lasted for a while and i was content with it, i wasn’t ready for a relationship, and neither was he (he still wasn’t out). but one day at lunch, i was talking to my best friend, and he was talking to his. then out of nowhere daniel goes, “jordan can i hold your hand,”

he looked a little nervous and his friend looked proud, so i knew something was about to happen. (i was a little nervous too but it was finally my fuckin moment.) so i gave him my hand and he turns it over and looks at my wrist..

and he said, “apparently if you have a mole on your wrist right here,” and pointed to the mole on my wrist, “you’re gay.” and i was like “well i guess the myth is true,” AND OUT OF NOWHERE i go, “let me see your wrist.” so he gave me his hand and sure enough, he had the same mole

now i know the mole means nothing, but it was the thought that counted; that was his way of coming out to me. i’m pretty sure him and his friend had planned this out but neither of us knew what to say after that; that day he walked me to my class in silence

we ended up never mentioning it again. but we’d always find ways to be close to each other and touch. and for a while, things stayed like that

christmas time was a really happy time for us. we wore ugly sweaters together on the friday before christmas break, and hugged each other before school ended that day. we wouldn’t see each other until next semester because he went to visit family up north during the break

btw this is when it starts to get sad

so fast forward to spring, every year the local catholic school throws a huge fair and everyone in our town goes to it. and that year, daniel asked me if i wanted to go with him, and obviously i said yes

surprisingly he did this in front of our friend group, so it quickly went from just the two of us to over 10 people

now would be a great time to mention my EXTREMELY overprotective parents. not gonna lie, up until the year before, i would always go to the fair with my family. and in freshman year i only went with my best friend and another really close friend

my parents had known both of them since middle school. but this year i mentioned a lot of names they hadn’t heard before, so they were already apprehensive about letting me go alone

on top of that, my mom was sick at the time and my dad had to take care of her. so basically i ended up not being able to go, which really really hurt. my parents kept telling me “maybe” all month whenever i’d ask them if i could go, but they finally said no on the DAY OF </3

so i could see how this would look really bad from daniel’s perspective, especially since it took courage for him to even ask me. looking back, if i had gone to the fair, i think i would’ve had my first kiss with him; everything would’ve been different

after that, things shifted between us. i’m not sure exactly how to explain it, but it did

on top of that, drama had broken out between 2 girls in our group (again) so we ended up not sitting together for the rest of the year. around that time, i also found out that i’d been accepted into a dual enrollment program at another school

so i wouldn’t be spending as much time at my high school in junior and senior year, with him. i don’t remember much from that time, but i do remember we hugged on the last day of school. and sadly that was the last time i ever saw him

so basically... we just drifted apart. like i mentioned before, he wasn’t really into social medial; his insta account still has our high school in his bio so i can tell he hasn’t been active in a while.

it’s crazy to think about what could’ve been, but finding another gay person in high school is extremely hard, so i’ll always be thankful for him

~ end of thread ~