#NationalComingOutDay
I watched this movie again last night, for the first time in... years. In like, 1998, two high school (girl)friends of mine had me over and tricked me into watching Beautiful Thing, and whatever it was they wanted me to recognize in myself, it worked. 1/

There wasn't a lot of positive reinforcement for gay teens in the '90s, but this sentimental, romantic portrayal of two boys in love awoke in me what I had tried to ignore. Watching Jamie and Ste kiss sent my mind into chaos, and I remember saying to myself, maybe out loud... 2/

"Holy shit. This is what I want." 3/

The next fall, as a freshman at NKU, I started sneaking around a bit, meeting a guy on AOL, going to my first gay club ("Celebrity" in Dayton, Oh.!), kissing him. I'll never forget that part - he touched my Structure sweater and said, "Nice sweater. Can I kiss you?"
Hell yes. 4/

But when you're young, gay, and closeted - love can be terrifying. The thrill of a first time turns quickly into shame, guilt, and fear. Could anyone tell what I had done? I felt like I could smell that boy's cologne on me for weeks, even as I avoided ever seeing him again. 5/

But then Matthew Shepard was murdered. I was at my parents', alone, making a sandwich when I first saw this story on the news. This beautiful boy, brutally taken from the world, simply for being... exactly what I was. 6/

I resolved then to stop being afraid. I wanted everyone to know: if you think a certain way about gay people, that's how you think about me. I immediately joined the gay/straight alliance at NKU (Common Ground), and spoke on gay marriage in front of my public speaking class. 7/

The next year, I served as treasurer of Common Ground and helped lead the group to the Millennium March on Washington in 2000 where we protested Dr. Laura, and watched Garth Brooks and Melissa Etheridge sing to and for us.
But before I left for that trip, I had one big task. 8/

I hadn't told my parents yet.
I mean, I had in little ways, like when my mother did my laundry and found tight little glittery shirts that smelled like smoke and disco. But they were always folded with the rest of the wash, like no big deal. 9/

Fearful that I would be on CNN or something while in DC, I had to suck it up and tell them something that was probably obvious when my 4th grade picture was taken. 10/

It just so happened, "Will & Grace" was rerunning the episode where Jack finally comes out. We watched it as a family, and then I told them where I was going that weekend, and what was happening.
They wouldn't let me off the hook, though.
"Why are YOU going?" 11/

"Because," I said, swallowing what felt like the entire universe, "I'm gay."
It was quiet for a moment, and then it wasn't.
"Well," my mom said. "Call your aunt and tell her you finally came out." Then she called for my brother. "Tell him."
"Duh," he said. 12/

I was a lucky one.
Some of the kids on that DC trip weren't.
But for that weekend, we were all free, and together with so many others from around the country.
(I've got the flag draped over my shoulders below.) 13/

I came back to school and served as president of Common Ground for a couple semesters. I learned: the most important advocacy tool we have, is ourselves and who we are. If people know us, and really know us... it's harder to hate us. 14/

I cried watching "Beautiful Thing" last night because it stirred memories, happy and sad, exciting and terrifying. But I'm so proud to have this life, and to be a gay man. I can't imagine being any other way now. That movie's title was so spot on.
15/end