A stunning but painful story on @ADELLEO& #39;s #LegallyClueless has left me shaken. A single mother details, through tears, the cruelty she was subjected to by the father of her child (a pastor).

It got me thinking about my own father: The & #39;voice of a nation& #39;. The deadbeat.

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My mother, in all her fallibility, was there. It was hard, but she was present.

She shielded me from the games my father played: the meetings he never showed up to. Appointments he& #39;d cancel. One time, he made us wait for hours outside his office as he snuck out through the back.
While the entire country adored him, he couldn& #39;t spare a second to meet his child who was sleeping hungry (he would eventually blame my mother for this https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😒" title="Unerfreutes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Unerfreutes Gesicht">)

Men get a pass. We protect their horrific behaviour. We excuse their absence. We normalize their callousness.

I& #39;m done.
One second he& #39;s a sensational murder suspect and the next - a hero that the country must band together to help. It floors me. How he weasels his way into safety every time.

But he is no hero. He& #39;s a fraud. A coward in shiny suit with nothing but a borrowed accent and a smile.
I wanted to be loved my him. Out consumed me. He never showed. Ever. Not once. Except on screen - smiling.

When my mother had had enough of my nagging (to meet him), she sat me down on her bed to gaslight me into silence, "Are you sure he& #39;s your father?". I was.

I was also 10.
Respectability has no home here. Neither does the cycle of shame so many kids find themselves trapped in. Wondering why a man would choose to exit through the service elevator to escape seeing his eyes in the child he wouldn& #39;t claim.

A child assumes that they are the problem.
This isn& #39;t isolated. So many of us carry the weight of failed fathers and are shamed into protecting them.

We are encouraged to quietly triumph. To & #39;prove them wrong& #39;.

Yeah - that& #39;s not our job. I thrive for myself: not to prove my worthiness to worthless fathers.
The gag is, for a time there, I actually helped him out. Because I was told it was the & #39;right thing to do.& #39; That the past didn& #39;t matter. That fathers have to be honoured - regardless of what they did - or didn& #39;t do.

This rhetoric must die a swift death. https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🖕🏾" title="Stinke-Finger (durchschnittlich dunkler Hautton)" aria-label="Emoji: Stinke-Finger (durchschnittlich dunkler Hautton)">
Honour and respect is earned: not deserved. It is not inherent to anything or anyone.

Many of us are carrying the guilt of rejection and we must unburden ourselves - regardless of society& #39;s expectation of performative familial honour.

You owe them nothing.
I am lucky. I have therapy and a chosen family that loves me ferociously. My healing is in progress and it is glorious. (It also helps that karma showed up and showed out https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🌚" title="Neumond mit Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Neumond mit Gesicht">).

If you resonate with this, I encourage you to also seek release. This is how we heal.
I will write about this one day. No punch will be pulled. Because the person I have become, inspite of it all, is a glorious sight to behold.

I thought I was missing out whenever I came a across a billboard with his face on it. Turns out, it was the other way around all along.
You can follow @SilasMiami.
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