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Alright, I& #39;m gonna talk about this.
Dear men,
Don& #39;t be this guy. I& #39;m serious. You may have good intent, but don& #39;t be this guy.
This tweet really fucked with me this morning, and I want to talk about why, and why statements like this just aren& #39;t cool.
THREAD:
Dear men,
Don& #39;t be this guy. I& #39;m serious. You may have good intent, but don& #39;t be this guy.
This tweet really fucked with me this morning, and I want to talk about why, and why statements like this just aren& #39;t cool.
THREAD:
[The context for how we got here? A video of a woman abusing a dog was recently circulated. In this thread, someone asked if the dog was okay, & I said the dog was now in the care of the gentleman who took the initial video, safe and sound.]
When I read the "we& #39;re everywhere" tweet, a lot of bad experiences were brought up for me.
The time a "good man" wouldn& #39;t take "no" for an answer, pushing me beyond my explicitly held boundaries in a situation I didn& #39;t have the power in.
The time a "good man" wouldn& #39;t take "no" for an answer, pushing me beyond my explicitly held boundaries in a situation I didn& #39;t have the power in.
The time a "good man" said that he was a Christian.....and then ultimately proceeded to ask NSFW questions he knew made my uncomfortable because he& #39;d asked them before, and I told him they made me uncomfortable.
The time when a "good man" co-worker had a convo with me about the way another male employee was treating the women staff, discussing how inappropriate it was.....and then violated a boundary of mine that was communicated in my words AND body language.
Now you may say to me "Sarah, it& #39;s obvious that none of these guys are good guys!"
But I bet you $100 that the three of them thought then and still think they are. They initially presented themselves to be.
I bet you that they think themselves feminists or allies, even.
But I bet you $100 that the three of them thought then and still think they are. They initially presented themselves to be.
I bet you that they think themselves feminists or allies, even.
I hesitate to say that the tweet triggered me this morning, because I don& #39;t want to demean the word, but it definitely did cause me harm.
When men make statements like this, it is harmful. It centers the words of the man over the lived experiences women have with that man.
When men make statements like this, it is harmful. It centers the words of the man over the lived experiences women have with that man.
In a way, it also is gaslighting in nature. Maybe all those bad experiences I had are just in my head, and good guys really *are* everywhere and I& #39;m just taking things the wrong way.
It erases the work men still need to do to change and be better to women!
It erases the work men still need to do to change and be better to women!
Example: I was talking to a male friend about one of these experiences and he stopped me and asked, "but I& #39;m one of the good guys, right?!"
In that moment, he not only interrupted me while I was discussing personal trauma, but he chose to center himself.
In that moment, he not only interrupted me while I was discussing personal trauma, but he chose to center himself.
That example really hurt me. I trusted him with my story, and was so relieved to finally be getting it off my chest. And he made it about him. One way he could have approached that situation: "I& #39;m so sorry to hear this, Is there anything I can do to be better?"
What I& #39;m getting at here is that being a "good man," especially in relation to women, is not something you get to just declare for yourself and your fellow men.
It is declared in your actions. And not in "oh I held a door open for a woman, I& #39;m a good man" >
It is declared in your actions. And not in "oh I held a door open for a woman, I& #39;m a good man" >
But in respecting a woman& #39;s boundaries. All of them. In being kind, in supporting women AND calling out men who they see engaging in inappropriate behavior, especially those in their inner circle. In standing up for what& #39;s right.
It& #39;s not about being a savior either. It& #39;s about being authentic, recognizing where help is needed and where it& #39;s not. It& #39;s about decency.
Anyway, I saw this tweet around 8am and it& #39;s kept me in bed until 11:30am. So please, just be better that that guy who tweeted that tweet.
Anyway, I saw this tweet around 8am and it& #39;s kept me in bed until 11:30am. So please, just be better that that guy who tweeted that tweet.
