Sunday reflections on why we act out of our own self-interest

THREAD

It’s been interesting to receive DMs from people asking me how to stop doing something that they know is bad for them.

People tend to get caught in loops of self-destruction and I’ve largely figured out why.

What brings a young man to prefer destructive behavior over the things he can do to improve his situation?

Ironically, we tend to know EXACTLY what to do to fix ourselves, we just have difficulty taking the first step.

We know what is destroying us, but stopping is too hard.

The difficulty can be broken down into two primary factors:

1.) Romantics
2.) Fear

We tend to fall into a pit because we’ve romanticized it.

This is also a tactic that RPG games use, where you begin as a nobody and end up being the powerful guy that saves the world.

However, it’s also why men in the prime of their life kill themselves.

You have an idea in your head of what something will be like, whether it’s smoking, drinking, or suicide, then you get caught in the trap.

Romantics come to play again when you finally “take your stand” and decide to stop.

“This will be my LAST time!”

However, fear starts seeping in.

Destructive behavior is good at making you comfortable. Breaking that comfortability is profoundly difficult.

So how do we break to cycle of self-destruction?

Take some paper and a pen and write down four things:

1.) draw a triangle and write your current value hierarchy.

Write your current top priority in the top corner and your next two priorities in the bottom corners.

This is only effective if you’re brutally honest.

2.) write 1000 words on where your life will end up in 5 years if you continue your life with the same values and actions that you currently have

3.) write another triangle and write what your value hierarchy SHOULD be.

Again, we tend to know exactly what we should be doing.

Most of us aren’t lost puppies.

4.) Write another 1000 words on how your life will end up in 5 years if you prioritize these values and perform all the actions in a day that would give you the best possible day.

The beauty of the value triangle is that the top corner always spills into the bottom two.

When we prioritize comfort, comfortability spills into our family and work.

Prioritize discipline, intimacy, family, or work, and watch it spill into what you have below it.

The essays will serve as a reminder of two extremes.

One will hopefully terrify you enough that you will want to change, the other will hopefully serve as a beacon for what you could be.

Additionally, seeing the person that you can become allows you to use your loop for good.

Now you will have the opportunity to romanticize the person that you can become while also fearing the other extreme of who you could become.