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As today is #NationalComingOutDay 
https://abs.twimg.com/hashflags... draggable="false" alt=""> I thought I would share my journey with you of my & #39;coming out& #39; and a few thoughts. This is going to be a MEGA long thread so brace yourselves. 1/
I was a very confused teenager. I think I always knew I was Gay, but there& #39;s a big difference between knowing something, and accepting that identity for yourself. For over ten years I was in the closet because I couldn& #39;t accept that I was Gay. God had other ideas... 2/
I truly despised myself. Deeply. I felt I was sinful, wicked and that if I repressed it enough it would go away. I just didn& #39;t want to be different. I had this idea in my head of finding a girl, settling down and having a house etc. I recently read 3/
some of my diaries from when I was at University, and the level of denial is just hilarious. I was scared, didn& #39;t know where to turn. Then while I was at University I started going to church again, and began to feel early callings to be a priest. 4/
The institution of the Church of England, didn& #39;t help me with my feelings of self loathing and being different. My faith grew, and my calling, but so did the revulsion about myself. So I went even deeper into denial. Wanting to fit in. 5/
Fast forward a couple of years and I& #39;m now in the discernment process. I did a year for God at @StAlbansCath and for the first time I met Gay Christians. Not only that, but Gay Christians who were in loving relationships with one another. I found that 6/
the stereotypes were not true. That gay men were capable of living in something like a marriage. They could be Christian too! I& #39;d always believed God loved gay people, but never me, and I certainly never saw how they could fit within the CofE. St Albans changed that 7/
I cried myself to sleep many times. Asking God, pleading God to make things clearer for me, to take away the burden that I might be Gay. That prayer was never answered (and why would it be). I felt this irresistible calling to be a priest. But also this deep denial about who 8/
I really am. On a deep level I knew I was Gay, but that didn& #39;t change the cognitive loops I was doing to deny it. I went to BAP, got through, and headed off to Theological College. at @RiponCuddesdon. Again I met actual gay Christians! Who were called to be priests! Who were 9/
themselves. This can happen? I wondered. Could I possibly be Gay and authentic? I remember at that time probably being the most miserable I& #39;d ever been. Lying in bed at night, eyes wide open, thinking I cannot go on like this. 10/
I felt like a fraud, like a dirty liar. I was lying to everyone including myself. Then something happened... 11/
I decided to go to Refresh, an evening guitar led service that was run at the college. In that we did a prayer activity in which we had to visualise laying our burdens down at the altar. I visualised that, and for me it was a big bag with the word GAY written on it. 12/
Reader, that was the first time I& #39;d ever admitted it, even to myself. I began to weep. Proper big tears. Then suddenly this voice spoke to me. It wasn& #39;t that internal voice you get in your head, it was a different voice. A voice I& #39;d never heard before. 13/
A presence of love I& #39;d never felt before entered my perception. The voice said to me. "You know I love you don& #39;t you Graham?" I replied "Do you? Do you Lord?" The voice answered. "Yes. I love you. But to serve Me, you& #39;ve got to stop lying to yourself, and everyone else." 14/
The voice went, the chapel came back and I wept for about forty five minutes. That was the moment I had finally accepted God& #39;s love for me. I always thought God loved people, but not me, and never knew the Love of God. So I did what I always do, I made a plan. 15/
After this revelation I decided I didn& #39;t care if the Church of England kicked me out. So I told my Diocese, was open and honest, and felt an enormous weight lifted off me. I began to tell my family (they all bloody knew of course). By the end of college I was 16/
doing presentations about it in front of people. I was totally held, and loved by my college. It was safe at that time for me, and was one of the many reasons I think I came out. 17/
The point of all this is this. God loves you exactly the way you are, and there is nothing that can now shake my faith in that. I hated myself for years, that& #39;s not the abundant life that Jesus came to give us. Quite frankly I no longer give AF about what the institution 18/
of the CofE or the Homophobes within it think of me. I& #39;m going to continue to love God, love people and serve the truth and the church. My identity is in Jesus.
God loves us all. God loves you. Don& #39;t be afraid. 19/19
God loves us all. God loves you. Don& #39;t be afraid. 19/19
There are a number of people I want to thank. Firstly my Mum and Dad for always supporting me. For the various counsellors I& #39;ve seen along the way. For the many MANY friends from Theological college who have loved me and encouraged me.
I have come such a long way, and without the support of amazing friends I wouldn& #39;t be here now.
