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I started going on tinder somewhere mid 2016. Now when I think about how dumb & naive I was back then... masha Allah. I remember how weird it was for me at the beginning, to find out how dating apps really work, cause my goal was to find a boyfriend. To find âloveâ konon kan 
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I was such a hopeless romantic and I try to see the good in people all the time. So with that Iâm sure you can already guess how many âfuckboysâ Iâve encountered and how I genuinely liked them, ignoring all the red flags https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="đ" title="Gesicht mit FreudentrĂ€nen" aria-label="Emoji: Gesicht mit FreudentrĂ€nen">
Itâs not like Iâve never encountered the nice/sincere guys, but I was just not interested. The idiot that I was, I friend-zone the good ones and I chase the bad ones cause they are interesting to talk to. UNTIL they hit me with the classic âI checked you out just now, damnnâ https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="đł" title="Errötetes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Errötetes Gesicht">
I was then âtrickedâ into all the weird shit. I started becoming confident with my body without realising I was âsexualisedâ. I was so proud of my curves cause of the guys that tell me they like/prefer big girls. These guys talk to me for all the wrong reasons, and I liked it
Then I slowly pick up these things. How to respond, etc. Deep down all I wanted was something real. But I was so afraid of losing the next guy then the next guy, to a point where I thought âif Iâm not gonna find someone who sees me for what I can give then what the heck?â
I craved for attention so much that my moral compass was haywire.. Imagine them saying something like yeah Iâm married/engaged but I like you. Yeah, I have a girlfriend but letâs have a fling. And I went along with it?!
On top of that, I even had the nerve to think I would end up with a guy who lives thousands of miles away? That I actually cried macam mati laki when he found someone and was getting married? Look, I knew it was never gonna work obviously but still I let my emotions control me?
I just lost it la basically. I lost my main focus in life. I forgot what I deserve in a partner. I was so caught up in having one, I lowered my standards. And apa itu maruah? Astaghfirullah the remorse, lives in me and is still haunting me. Aku kena hadap hari hari
No I donât sleep around la & I donât mean to belittle anyone whoâs done it w this thread. Sekadar luahan hati, cause Iâm sure everyone knows Iâm not that type of person. But my personal experience and remorse is enough to make me see why Allah tak bagi, mungkin?
