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Late Autism assessment.
Many women are diagnosed late with autism and I got to reflecting why this was. Speaking for myself I can tell you that, after a pattern of behaviour from people towards me, I started to wonder maybe I was the problem.
(Another thread)
Many women are diagnosed late with autism and I got to reflecting why this was. Speaking for myself I can tell you that, after a pattern of behaviour from people towards me, I started to wonder maybe I was the problem.
(Another thread)
In my adult life I was called a & #39;weirdo& #39; by 2 & #39;friends& #39;. I became conscious of myself for thinking differently.
On my 20th birthday another friend gave me a Little Miss Contrary book because of my different way of analysing things.
I& #39;ve adopted that as my Twitter name
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On my 20th birthday another friend gave me a Little Miss Contrary book because of my different way of analysing things.
I& #39;ve adopted that as my Twitter name
But from the age of 20 I tried to stay quiet for fear of being isolated.
I learned to keep myself low and not bring attention to myself by ignoring people& #39;s behaviour towards me. It was clear I was still not conforming but I didn& #39;t know why.
I learned to keep myself low and not bring attention to myself by ignoring people& #39;s behaviour towards me. It was clear I was still not conforming but I didn& #39;t know why.
It turned out that I wasn& #39;t reacting to news the way that I was expected to. Apparently society had a script that I wasn& #39;t privy to.
I wasn& #39;t smiling at the right time, laughing/being sad/angry in the right places or saying the right things.
It took a long time to learn.
I wasn& #39;t smiling at the right time, laughing/being sad/angry in the right places or saying the right things.
It took a long time to learn.
Travelling abroad helped because I could use the excuse I was a foreigner so it was forgiven. Even though the groups I was travelling with would ostracise me by the end of the trips.
So why was I being ostracized?
Hierarchy is one reason.
I don& #39;t recognise hierarchy in society/friendship groups. I don& #39;t treat my head of department better than the cleaners. I don& #39;t treat popular friends better then my shy friends. Everyone is equal but this becomes an issue
Hierarchy is one reason.
I don& #39;t recognise hierarchy in society/friendship groups. I don& #39;t treat my head of department better than the cleaners. I don& #39;t treat popular friends better then my shy friends. Everyone is equal but this becomes an issue
It& #39;s an issue with those who don& #39;t like me not conforming with their dynamic. I began to insist on refusing to conform in fact. This was one part of my person8i wasn& #39;t changing.
And I would suffer for it.
And I would suffer for it.
As a punishment some tactics would be used like:
Gossip and character assassination
Ostracised from groups
Bullying to bow me into submitting
But with all the negativity there was one major thing I learned...
Gossip and character assassination
Ostracised from groups
Bullying to bow me into submitting
But with all the negativity there was one major thing I learned...
No matter what horrible situation I was in I had a strong belief that there were people who were a force of good and helped me rebalance the negatives.
As I grew older I came to question why I was like this. Why wasn& #39;t I able to confirm to hierarchy.
As I grew older I came to question why I was like this. Why wasn& #39;t I able to confirm to hierarchy.
It turned out it was fine. It was a symptom of being autistic. And many women are learning this (amongst a plethora of other symptoms) later on in life.
And know this...there are good, kind people who are there for you no matter how dark it gets.
Xx
And know this...there are good, kind people who are there for you no matter how dark it gets.
Xx
