THREAD

Let's see a show of hands:

Who's going to watch The Stand now that we know that Whoopi Goldberg is playing Mother Abigail?

@realDonaldTrump? How about you?
It looks like a pile of crap anyway, but Whoopi is the cherry on top.

A Nebraska resident living next to a cornfield, and she has...blonde dreadlocks.

And John Lennon sunglasses.
Here's the totally forgettable, absolutely not-scary Walkin' Dude.
The Walkin' Dude was a smiler.

He was zany and on the edge of control.

This series looks as heavy as a female social-justice warrior and just as grim.

The Walkin' Dude is Alexander Skarsgård.
HORRIBLE casting.

Fran sounds like she's 15.

Basically nobody has character.

No interesting faces or styles.

Guess what the problem is?

The material.
The two best movies based on Stephen King's novels are Misery and Dolores Claiborne.

The common denominator?

Kathy Bates.

EVERYBODY in Dolores Claiborne is great.

But Bates made both movies.

I hated The Shining.

There's a reason why.
I picked up on the fact that Kubrick tortured Shelley Duvall until she lost her mind.

He was a notorious sadist.

The only Kubrick Film I like is Doctor Strangelove.

Even so, it's as subtle as an anvil falling on your head.
General Jack D. Ripper?

Colonel Bat Guano?

Major King Kong?

Kubrick was a giant time waster. You know what he reminds me of?

The type of scale-model builder who superdetails engine on aircraft and then glues the engine panels shut.
Some guy saw the best aircraft model I ever made and was horrified that I hadn't painted and weathered the parts of the engine that could not be seen.

"I can't enjoy this model knowing that the engine isn't completely painted," he said.
I asked him if he painted model soldiers.

He did.

"How can you enjoy them knowing that you didn't paint the soles of their boots before epoxying them to the base?" I asked.

No answer, of course.
Kubrick made R. Lee Ermey extemporize all the insults in the boot-camp sequence of Full Metal Jacket.

He transcribed them and made Ermey memorize them while catching tennis balls thrown at him.
GUESS WHAT?

Kubrick's fabled "attention to detail" is a MYTH.

Ermey's punch starts with his left fist and finishes with his right after the edit.

A basic continuity error.

Full Metal Jacket is full of them.
I could list 100 such errors, but the point is that Kubrick was FAR more interested in inflecting suffering than making great movies.

Today's entertainment is about being "woke."

WHOOPI GOLDBERG AS MOTHER ABIGAIL.

CBS lost its marbles.
I have thousands of old movies I can watch.

Movies I never saw before.

I'll still with those until 2024.

Things will have changed drastically by then.

END
You can follow @COsweda.
Tip: mention @twtextapp on a Twitter thread with the keyword “unroll” to get a link to it.

Latest Threads Unrolled: