How it started vs. how it ended

It’s finally tea time! This is the story of how I went from excited potential new member (PNM) stifled initiated sister blacklisted dropout where I am now. Oh and I know everyone loves receipts, so I brought them. Buckle up!

A bit about me, I was bullied in middle school for having lesbian parents, so I worked hard & got a massive scholarship for boarding school. After living in a dorm with 50+ girls for four years, I figured (incorrectly) that a sorority might be a wholesome & supportive adventure!

Since I got another scholarship for college, I figured I’d be able to pay dues and decided to rush. My major was Astrophysics and I had extensive non-profit work under my belt, so I looked great on paper (and in person, because that’s important for them too). I got a bid!

With anti-hazing policies instituted, my pledging process was intentionally dream-like. You’re showered with gifts, compliments, support, and surprises. I didn’t get the big who mutually wanted me, but I brushed it off. They swore by the process, and I trusted them. I was 17!

Then you get initiated, and it all goes downhill from there. The expectations, the pressure, the manipulation. They had complete control over your social media accounts. Post a profanity, alcohol, an opinion they didn’t like or too much skin, & you’re immediately told to fix it.

Don’t want to change/delete the post because it was a good joke? Too bad, expect a judiciary board summons and fines being thrown your way. Don’t have the means to pay the fines? Don’t worry, they’ll send them to collections and wreck your credit score.

There are really three things you can’t do when you’re in a sorority, from my chapter’s experience at least:

Be poor/struggling financially
Be outspoken/not easily controlled
Be depressed/not neurotypical

Well, I was all three.

My first semester was very rough to say the least. I had two grandmothers die, a change/lack of health insurance, a stepparent’s drug problem reaching a crux, & my parents had borrowed the money I earned from my summer job. I was a broke, emotional mess, & my grades reflected it.

One of my bad grades was actually the fault of a GSA who was bitter I had shut him down. Apparently some of the older sisters had taken him up on his offers, but I got him fired. He had “lost my final exam” that dropped me to a C, but I retook the class for free and got an A.

Here’s some extra screenshots from earlier in the semester showing I really didn’t need the extra help. Oh and he was *ENGAGED* through all of this!

After attending a funeral over winter break, I felt (and was) unsafe and fled to a pledge sister’s home as she & her family were kind enough to host me. Unfortunately, I was already disliked by a few “aggressive” older sisters, and so she started getting harassed by association.

Now back at school, I find out my loans didn’t go through, and there’s no way for me to pay for classes. One girl Devon jumps at the opportunity to kick me out.

I’m assured by the president Emily that it won’t happen. I try to pull my finances together, but it doesn’t happen. No one in my family had the credit to co-sign on a loan, and I had given up on alternative options that would have substantially furthered my debt.

A few weeks go by after I drop out of school, and suddenly I received an email summoning me to a judiciary board meeting. Let’s unpack it:

1. The disparaging comments I supposedly made was calling sisters “sluts.” As someone who has experienced sexual assault multiple times, it’s not in my character to slut-shame even if it were true.

Oh, and I said “shit” during formal meeting.

2. I thought I saw the girl *dancing* with someone at a party, and got asked about it because I apparently wasn’t the only one. I was always honest that I wasn’t sure if I actually saw it or not (cut me some slack, I was a drunk freshman).

3. I was not allowed to address my witnesses, despite it being my “right.” Talk about suspicious.

So here’s what actually happened: the girl I thought I saw dancing was Devon, the same girl who tried to kick me off the roster when she found out I didn’t have money, and the other “witnesses” were her friends on the judiciary board. Obviously, I got voted off the island.

But it gets worse. Out of principle, I wanted to appeal on the international level. This was completely unjustified and I wasn’t even in school. Too bad I was never even given the chance. They knew if I got the opportunity to speak, it would be proven that they were in the wrong.

The months that followed where some of the worst in my life. Since I wasn’t in school to defend myself, they took the opportunity to spread vicious rumors about me, & even the sisters who knew what really happened were too afraid to even associate with me out of fear of backlash.

Eventually, the sisters I was living with after getting kicked out of the dorms felt the same, so they kicked me out of the house too. Moving home wasn’t an option, they had to sell the house for money. I was homeless for a bit, couch-surfed and even used Craigslist for a room.

I fell into a very deep depression. I drank ungodly amounts of liquor to hide how much pain I was feeling. No school, no friends, no home, no purpose. I worked in restaurants to pay the bills, but I couldn’t even escape their cattiness there. My family tree got neutered.

But out of that darkness, I arose anew. I was no longer that naive girl who just wanted friends. I knew my purpose was much greater than being another member of a cult disguising itself as a sisterhood for $$. I started school again after 3 semesters of working, excited to learn.

And the rest? Well, that’s history. Without the petty distractions, I added on a second degree, graduated with honors, and was able to be my genuine self the whole way. Authenticity over complacency, all-day every-day baby.

xoxo,
Gossip Girl