bigass thread about personal and vent stuff i guess??
tw suicide////

so first and foremost,
i want to apologize for all the depression posts thats been plaguing my twitter for the past idk how long
this pandemic doesn't help with mental health because it has been difficult finding a job in an already competitive market, and (1/?)

among other stuff thats been going on personally that had been eroding my will to live - dysmorphia among depression from personal things that happened
and i think im going to stop beating around the bush and finally say: i have been feeling depressed and suicidal. (2/?)

its been often where i feel like im so ugly i should just die, or im not a useful member of society so i deserve to just self destruct and that my presence is ultimately a burden since im very sad so often so i should just leave my existence behind
(3/?)

its not just an issue of dysmorphia, its a collection of things that had happened that im still registering as stuff that may have contributed to my low self worth and stuff im still hesitant to talk about (4/?)

death also scares me though so i feel as if im just living in some limbo
i had been hesitant to tell someone, seeking help just is kind of difficult right now considering how therapy is expensive, so im just on medication right now which has been? ok i guess (5/??)

its been difficult, but ive been trying to get better despite what poopoo peepee pool my twitter is
sorry for a long rant and sad posting a lot but i think i feel better just saying it out loud

i guess i should also say mute this thread if you dont want to get smacked with a wall of text dkfjlsdlfjsdf