Okay but maybe you were a neurodivergent kid and you developed severely unhealthy coping strategies in your formative years because you were walking on eggshells and just had to figure out how to survive with a brain that didn’t work like it was expected to & now you have twitter

And so you find out all kinds of stuff into adulthood that other people know because that extra nurture for your brain in your childhood just wasn’t there or you were misdiagnosed or you were guilted about needing help and not getting better so you buried your trauma

And now in adulthood you reach out into the internet for self discovery because you have no idea what you’re doing and you find a lot of other people with the same story, with PTSD or DPD or BPD or MDD or Bipolar or OCD or all of the above

And it’s just unbelievable to you that you know so many people who had good childhoods but also know so many people who are recovering from this pattern of emotional neglect well into their 30s, 40s, 50s, even 60s and up and you are not only not alone, you belong somewhere

And so with each step you take into finding yourself, into climbing out of derealized hell, into not hating yourself or drinking yourself to sleep or constantly jumping from diet to diet or partner to partner or job to job you feel like you’re about to fall into a chasm

But there’s like this bet other people with this trauma are weaving and you suddenly find you’re weaving it too and you’re all taking turns catching people who fall as often as you can and as well as you can

and on the good days, the REALLY good days, you all pull each other out and you don’t even need the net because no one was falling; just once, no one was tipping over, no one was on the edge, no one was being pulled into the pit, and it’s an incredible thing

And those days are what you look forward to when you start to fall because you know and you know everyone else knows too that so many of us just sit on the edge and make friends there because we don’t know where else to go,

and you think to yourself maybe the world beyond isn’t so bad

But right now you don’t know

And you can stay here until you’re ready to find out

You can keep weaving nets, catching, being caught

And for now, that’s not nothing

For now, it’s precisely where you need to be

Uhhhhh I’m on Patreon and have a kofi if you want to support me in any way

http://Patreon.com/secretladyspider (long term)

http://Ko-fi.com/secretladyspider (one time)