I asked if it was usual for people to do this. He looked at me and said "You really dont know what car this is do you?". I said "No, I do. It's a Porche." Then he lost it a little. "Its an R8. Not even the same make as Porche." I admit I had no clue what that meant at the time

He was visibly irritated when he said "I brought my latest car on this date and you didnt even notice the difference?". I knew at this point that I was out of my league and my element. Now we were on our way to his house with our Nandos. This was going to be interesting.

Now mans is preparing Nandos with "condiments from his pantry". I was so far from Eldos guys. I started conversation by asking why he thought it appropriate to ask who pays for my house and car. That date became a master class I JHB dating. He told me that it's common.

According to mans even among working women men pay for homes and cars. And it's not that he would not date me if someone or multiple people were paying for it, but he needed to know the playing field and competition. I was SHOOK. Said men approach women based on affordibility

I kid you not. That had never occured to me. He said based on the clothes I wore and my hair I looked low maintenance (aka I'm cheap) but because I lived on my own and had a car the affordability calculation was about who his competition was so he asked. Also didnt want surprises

I appreciated his candor. Anyway, I stayed till late chatting then asked to be taken home. Again came the stunned look from him. "I have so many rooms" he said. You dont have to share my room. I was adamant that I dont sleep outside my house. Mans was over me and took me home

We had a few more dates, each stranger than before. All had the same theme "What can I buy you today, to show you how interested I am in you?". It was really unsettling. As thoughtful as some suggestions were I refused each offer to buy me things, he eventually stopped calling

If nothing else it was an ethnographic study in how normalized transactional dating had become and how naive I was to it. I spent the rest of 2014 asking men and women about their experiences. Fascinating stuff.