One thing that frustrates me about queer discourse:

Even people defending the use of the word ‘queer’ ALWAYS have to soften w ‘but I’d never use that word for anyone ELSE unless they personally signed a release form allowing me to, the HORROR’

nobody EVER does this for ‘gay’?

People colloquially refer to other people as ‘gay’ all the time, or refer to the ‘gay community’, etc, and even when objections exist, it’s never EVER, not ONCE been framed in terms of “I’d never use the word gay to describe anyone bcs it’s has history as a slur’

But it does!!

“Gay” totally has history as a slur, and one far more commonly in use within the last twenty years, in many parts of the world.

So why do we need special permission & to half-apologize every time we say ‘queer’, but not to say ‘gay’?

If you specifically tell me you don’t like the term, I won’t use it, just like I’ll grit my teeth and use ‘person with a disability’ over ‘disabled person’ if someone specifically requests that.

But until then, I’m going to keep using the most inclusive terms rooted in activism.