Oh it’s world mental health day? Alright. I was going to wait to do this but maybe it’s a good day for it. Last night some of you saw me melt down about what twitter has done to my mental health after I was dogpiled for an art opinion in July. I’m gonna talk about it now.

First off, here’s what I said. It’s been important that I kept these screenshots. I look at them often as a touchstone because the gaslighting has been overwhelming. People read the first one and took it extremely personally in so many varied wrong ways.

I’m not going to address what I meant or how you took it or all of the many social constructs I didn’t consider in a throw away advice tweet, so don’t try it with me. I just needed people to see the thing because I still need to look at it often to ground myself.

The response was overwhelming. I was dogpiled by so many different groups of people it was hard to keep track of. GG dudes were there for sure... but leftists were a huge part of it (apparently I’m a class traitor) There were memes and YouTube videos about it.

In the days that followed I went into a form of shock. I didn’t move off the couch I don’t remember eating anything, though I know John fed me. I name searched myself to read tweet threads with 9000 likes about how not good I am at what i do. How John got me my job (he didn’t)

All because of a poor interpretation of my intentions. I kept spiraling over how wrong they got it. I wanted to explain myself to every person but there was no time and what would it do for me in the end. Most of these people were relishing in watching me burn.

And the hardest part was these are fears I’ve had myself. I had just reached a point where I felt worthy of the role I worked for. That disintegrated. Who doesn’t feel not good enough? To see that many people back it up did some irreparable damage.

There are people who are going to QRT a portion of this and boo hoo big follower account got exactly what was coming to her. But I’m one person seeing all of this and living with it for months. You’re dunk tweeting on an opinion you didn’t like and walking away. It’s not the same

Even if you DID feel hurt, which I wouldn’t have done intentionally, nothing I said was targeted. You all targeted me though, and many on here actively tried to cut deep enough to hurt and... well ya succeeded!

I lost 3 days. They’re gone I don’t remember what happened. I only know they went missing because I mentioned it had been a long 2 days to John and he gently told me it was 5. My friends showed up in a big way. I couldn’t stop name searching. I felt like I had to see it all

Like by absorbing it, i could control it somehow. Instead I gave myself ptsd. I have a hard time saying anything on here. I have a hard time even opening up to people in private out of fear that they’ll screen cap a portion of it and share it on here to dunk on me

Therapists aren’t equipped for what happens when you become enemy number one for a day on Twitter. They’re not equipped for the months that follow. It’s October and i still wake up sweating sometimes. I still cry about a lot of it. Our brains aren’t equipped for it

I’m so much better now, and i have a little folder of screenshots of those of you who were so kind and reached out to me both then and yesterday. I appreciate you so much. But my brain couldn’t stop focusing on the negative. I sometimes think they were waiting for me to screw up

When I see qrt’s to private accounts I need to log off for a bit. I wonder if it’s the people who hate me waiting in the wings, picking everything apart letter by letter, rearranging it into something ugly. Something I didn’t say.

Im going to close this out by telling you to be careful on here. Don’t give a mob of people waiting for anything to be outraged over even an inch because once there’s a bite, it becomes an absolute out of control feeding frenzy. I would not believe it if you told me a year ago

That I’d have mental health issues stemming from saying something so basic to art education on twitter but here we are. We’re not equipped for this many people to see what we have to say at any given time. Take care of yourself.