Right this #WorldMentalHealthDay I think it's time to say a bit about mine. I spend a fair bit of my time talking about #MoralInjury, psychosocial wellbeing and just generally how people in healthcare might look after themselves. I have *lots* of advice for folk. 1/n

The thing I don't tell the wider world is how much I suffer with mental health issues myself. Right now things are about as bad as they have ever been for me. I know people write about their recovery once the bad time is past, but I thought I'd write to you from inside it. 2/n

I do all the things - I tell people how I am feeling (really, the truth), I told my lovely colleagues and my manager, my family and friends. I hate that. I hate it so much that I need to do that and I have to override every instinct to get it done. 3/n

I don't want to be seen to be vulnerable. I don't judge it in anyone else, but I really, really judge it in myself. I want to be ok all the time.
I do the exercise thing - I run a bit (hate it), take long walks (while crying) and do yoga (love that, thank heavens). 4/n

You need to do the things - tell people how you feel, exercise, eat something, sleep, try to steer clear of drugs & alcohol. But you don't have to like it, no one likes medicine. Managing an illness is often rubbish,& you're allowed to resent it. It's not a saintliness contest. 5

If you see yourself as a helper and not a 'helpee' it's particularly difficult to let other people in (sound familiar, anyone?!) so I'd like to offer special thanks to those who are supporting me. I know I am being an ornery g*t and I'm sorry. This is so hard. 6/n

I can't do the things that usually really help like going to work, teaching face to face, giving talks, being with people. I can't work well at all, in fact. That makes me very sad and I have to remind myself that this will pass. It really will. 7/n

I'm not in recovery from addiction but I take a lot of solace in the practices of the recovery movement. Especially getting through one day at a time. There's a lot to be said for keeping the focus just on getting through today. 8/n https://soundcloud.com/user-398387552-859158848/just-for-today

So, that's it. If you're reading this and struggling, well, I suggest we struggle on a bit longer even if it's just to see what else this year has to throw at us. I'll fetch the popcorn.
Our #MentalHealth can fluctuate, it won't always be this bad. Hold on. This too shall pass.