Woke up with crippling anxiety after a restless period of nightmare-plagued “sleep.” I hate days like this.

On the bright side, managed to wait until 10:00 to start drinking.

Breakfast today: Cottage cheese on an English muffin with a 3-olive dirty martini. Because I’m fucking classy.

The best part about morning drinking on an empty stomach is that it only takes about four drinks to get me nicely buzzed.

Of course I expedited the process by just putting 8 oz. of gin in one drink.

Drunk Troll Cat fact I’ll probably delete later:

https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🔸" title="Kleine orangene Raute" aria-label="Emoji: Kleine orangene Raute">I’ve been a millionaire, homeless, and everything in between.

https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🔸" title="Kleine orangene Raute" aria-label="Emoji: Kleine orangene Raute">I have an IQ >160. Never bothered to be tested further. Don’t care, I’m smart enough. (Also, IQ is overrated)

https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🔸" title="Kleine orangene Raute" aria-label="Emoji: Kleine orangene Raute">I’ve crossed a ton of shit off my bucket list..

https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🔸" title="Kleine orangene Raute" aria-label="Emoji: Kleine orangene Raute">...But still consider myself an abject failure and underachiever.

https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🔸" title="Kleine orangene Raute" aria-label="Emoji: Kleine orangene Raute">The #1 thing on my current bucket list is to go skydiving.

https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🔸" title="Kleine orangene Raute" aria-label="Emoji: Kleine orangene Raute">I’m a bit bipolar. Duh.

https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🔸" title="Kleine orangene Raute" aria-label="Emoji: Kleine orangene Raute">Been on TV 30+ times, but nobody knows who I am. I like it that way.

https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🔸" title="Kleine orangene Raute" aria-label="Emoji: Kleine orangene Raute">Published author, but not under my own name.

https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🔸" title="Kleine orangene Raute" aria-label="Emoji: Kleine orangene Raute">I like to bury shit in tweet threads I know most people won’t read.

https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🔸" title="Kleine orangene Raute" aria-label="Emoji: Kleine orangene Raute">This was originally a poker account created to mock poker players who promote themselves on social media. Nowadays, I doubt more than 5% of my followers play poker.

https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🔸" title="Kleine orangene Raute" aria-label="Emoji: Kleine orangene Raute">Bombshell: I don’t like Donald Trump.