THREAD

Short one for the people who asked me about the passing of Eddie Van Halen.

My thing is electric bass, so in case you don't know, there's a Van Halen of the bass.

His name is Billy Sheehan, and he's been tapping for fifty years.

The two-handed tapping technique was not invented by a specific person.

Sheehan took it to an incredible level simultaneously with Van Halen, and neither knew about the other.

I never understood why Sheehan remains more a musician's musician instead of a popular culture icon.

Probably because he plays bass instead of guitar and doesn't have a riotous personal life.

But as a bassist, he's amazing for several reasons.

He bought a cheap bass and customized it until it produced the precise tone he wanted.

He's kept that identical tone for 50 years.

He uses all four fingers on his picking hand, BUT.

He often uses each finger as a pick, producing up-and-down strokes.

Therefore he often has EIGHT fingers.

Despite his speed, he's tasteful.

Not self-indulgent.

And he's a very nice man, who spends much of his time tutoring young bassists.

I was blown away by a Yamaha ad he did in the 1980s.

Once heard, never forgotten.

I showed it to a very skilled LEFTIST female musician I knew, and this is the only thing she talked about.

"That's a TERRIBLE ad! Using women's bodies to sell products?! Why would you show that to me? Why would you think I'd like it?"

Well, because I didn't know you were INSANE.

She had legs like tree trunks.

That was the beginning of the end of our friendship.

She NEVER LET ME FORGET how I'd insulted all women by showing her that ad.

So finally I stopped returning her calls.

That was in 1992.

She calls about once every five years to try and reestablish contact.

I never return her calls.

Remember this ad?

Any men out there offended?

The guy was a professional model.

HIS BODY WAS HIS MEAL TICKET.

I'm sure tons of men ran out to get those tightie-whities.

I wear boxers. Jockey shorts freak me out. Too little-kidish.

As for two seconds of a woman's silhouette in a commercial that features brilliant bass playing, I can't comprehend the rage.

Men are visual creatures. They like to look at females bodies.

Personally I was too entranced with the bass to even see the silhouettes.

Leftists don't want anybody to experience any form of joy.

Except for the joy of destruction.

This is the only Madonna song and video I really like.

Written by her brother. Strangely poignant.

She's very attractive when FULLY CLOTHED.

In this video.

She looked like a mature woman, not a girl.

Now she's a naked crone.

I tried to watch a Prince bass solo, but he had a squatting, almost naked woman who he kept licking, so I turned it off.

Cardi B?

Forget it. She looks like she smells bad.

Men are visual creatures, but generally the most alluring women are the ones who kept something in reserve.

They create a mystery.

I never forgave my former friend, the tree-trunked-legged leftist woman outraged by silhouettes.

When I hear that it's a message from her, I erase it without even listening to it.

She has only herself to blame.

I've had enough grim nags in my life.

Rock on, Billy Sheehan, you magnificent bastard!

END