I used to be positive... Annoyingly optimistic... I used to find the silver lining always.

I used to know there was a plan. That everything would work out for me...

But now idk... I miss the old me. Who was ignorant. Cuz atleast he found joy & happiness always...

Now... Idk who I am. I'm not Tori. She is happy, fun, bubbly... Silly.... Playful.

Im not Victoria either... She is strong, confident... Speaks her mind & isn't afraid...

Im not him. Pretty sure he is gone now. In name only... Public appearances barely...

No... I'm none of them... Im stuck inside this prison of my mind... Unable to Move forward... Unable to do anything...

I can't speak openly, my mind just doesn't allow it. My neuro struggle keeps from walking thru the open door...

It's there... Unlocked. Waiting...

But I can't move. I'm unable to do the things I want or need. I feel trapped...

No right now I'm not Tori.. I'm not Victoria...

Im frozen... Without a name... Wondering aimlessly thru my days.

Not present... Just there... My feet are in one place... But my mind is no where...

She aches to be free... Ive been in my chrysalis too long... My wings are cramped... I can not fly... Stuck inside my mind.

I know you all want to help & encourage me forward. But no amount of words or pushing or encouragement is going to break me free...

I just hope when I finally do... It's not too late for me...

So much time has been lost... Tori deserved more... More time... More freedom...

I just hope when I finally can spread my wings... They still will work... And she can fly...

So much lost time...