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My brain& #39;s behavior around attraction and mate selection is very confusing to me, probably intentionally so I can& #39;t figure it out and then hack it into letting me have more sex.
But basically, & #39;confidence& #39; is a huge one, along with lots of special accidental shit-tests to see 1/
But basically, & #39;confidence& #39; is a huge one, along with lots of special accidental shit-tests to see 1/
if the confidence is real or fake. Humor is a great shit-test; it& #39;s harder to be funny when hiding nervousness. I also notice I do an aggressive kind of teasing right away; if someone acquiesces to me in an & #39;appease& #39; sort of move, it& #39;s unattractive; pushing back is hot 2/
Also desperation/reaching out when I do & #39;pull back& #39; moves (which are often not intentional!). If I& #39;m busy for a week and they send too many messages, or if I indicate I& #39;m not really interested and they jokingly beg, that& #39;s an immediate vaginal drying effect. 3/
I also have subconscious terror that a guy wants to have sex with me as a & #39;conquer& #39; thing; he doesn& #39;t really care about me, he manages to manipulate me into sleeping with him but he does this to a bunch of girls; as though he & #39;beats& #39; them at the game, and I don& #39;t wanna lose 4/
This has gotten worse since my profile online has raised (especially sexually); as I& #39;ve gotten more well known, I& #39;ve become increasingly afraid someone is trying to sleep with me so they can run around going I FUCKED AELLA and then that feels shameful for me for some reason? 5/
This isn& #39;t really consciously endorsed, but my gut is convinced that I can& #39;t trust people who want to sleep with me, that they want to sleep with me for a lot of other reasons besides me as a person, and that if I sleep with them I& #39;m really weak and everyone will laugh at me 6/
So I& #39;m really *really* sensitive to a thousand tiny things around a guy, and worse, even if nothing is a & #39;bad signal& #39; I still am worried that a bad signal will pop up that I haven& #39;t seen yet, and tend to wait a very long time to make sure it& #39;s & #39;safe& #39; to proceed. 7/
Tbf the men I& #39;m most attracted to have social groups that would be barely impressed at all if he slept with me, where I& #39;m an & #39;equal& #39; to him and his life, where he could sleep with other girls on my level but is uniquely drawn to me due to unusual compatibility 8/
And this might end up being just the typical trashy erotic novel/teen romance movie scenario, where the high powered/wealthy/successful man notices something special in the female protagonist and clearly sexually wants uniquely her for something non-sexual about her being. 9/
I& #39;m a little embarrassed to realize that this is basically my fantasy, though I& #39;m more interested in & #39;equal& #39; than & #39;better& #39; man.
But also I& #39;m personally am very weird and have weird preferences in men on top of this so honestly i think im probably fucked for mate selection.
But also I& #39;m personally am very weird and have weird preferences in men on top of this so honestly i think im probably fucked for mate selection.
