There is a lovely large lady on her phone on my bus. She’s currently telling someone her man goes for so long when he’s drunk she does anal to speed him up

Oooh it’s a man she’s talking to...she’s just said, “Davie if ah wisnae wae Scott I wid pump you but I love him!” She’s a loyal soul.

There’s more! A man ran to get the bus with her. She said, “next time you’re this late I’ll panel ye!” It’s not Scott! It’s Davie from the phone call....!

They left together. Dear big lass, whether you end up pumping Tracksuited Davie or Jackhammer Scott, I genuinely hope you are happy. I’ll call your take “The Ballad of West Dunbartonshire”