Again, with the festival videos likely to be consistent under-performers, I find myself being in a melancholy mood. The problem with being even slightly successful on the internet is that you have to do that one thing for the rest of your life. You're not allowed to change.

I know a lot of people criticize a certain critic (debateable if he fits that) for not really changing in over a decade, but they are still successful in their bubble because of their refusal to. They never had aspirations to do anything more, or left them behind long ago.

This may have made them a deserved punchline (even more so for things off-screen), but that hasn't really impacted them in the long run, because those things don't really matter to the people who actually watch it. They just want the comfortable schtick.

On the other hand, I've tried to vary the strings in my bow and tried to be better, and there are times where it feels like I'm punished for trying to do that. That may be algorithm, that I'm too niche, or that I was never that popular (the latter), but that makes it sting.

It doesn't help that I feel like a joke, only mentioned as a dismissive punchline, as an embarrassment. This is especially as my performances in the anniversary movies becomes a meme in of itself, which feels like an albatross around my neck. There are days I regret being in them

And there definitely people who define me solely by things I did almost a decade ago, either by my own work or others. Maybe those are the kinds of people I shouldn't be bothered to impress anyway, but I still feel like I've not really left my association behind in many's minds.

The worst thing they ever did to me was make me a comedy sycophant, as that has defined my perception ever since.

I don't want to be taken super-seriously, I just want to be respected enough that people would want to listen to me, and my value isn't solely in negativity.

(And, yes, I am aware that that being the worst thing they ever did to me meant I got off extremely lightly compared to others who received far worse.)

Apologies if this ended up being a mini-rant, but it is something that has been on my mind for months and months, and I don't think the current state of things has helped my thinking very much.