We don’t talk enough about how imposter syndrome doesn’t just manifest internally. Friends, family, culture can influence this sickness.

I’m not even sure when it started for me but I’m going to say in 2007 when I started AMMO.

Even back then with business “partners.” People that eventually just... decided AMMO got them where they wanted to go and no longer was needed.

But I needed them. I needed help. In 2010 I went at it alone. Changing course and creating content that was important to me.

Switching from a Fashion base to an Art base was easy in that they are intertwined in NY but I didn’t know anyone in Art. That changed though as I got to work on the first Art issue, 19 features published in 2 months.

That issue got AMMO in the door.

I’m still very proud of that issue. But you can’t stop there. As I kept going, some of those “partners” (who were my friends) kept hitting me with “Why Art? You’re not an artist.” or “Don’t you need to go back to school for that?”

Both questions assume I’m not qualified to do what I love. Both questions assume that I, an Art Major at Arts High and a Fashion Marketing Major in college, am not able to change course at any point in my life.

I was 26 and the first real season of self doubt hit me hard.

Now, 10 years later and countless content produced I still don’t feel I belong. Not because of those same friends but because of this twisted measure of success.

I (all of us) measure success by how many followers I have, by how many likes I get, by who says my name #onhere.

I’m not successful because certain Art writers never mention me and my work. I’m not successful because my campaign has stalled. I’m not successful because I haven’t received any recognition by my peers.

None of that is true. But that’s how imposter syndrome can show up.

I don’t know how to fix that. Stay off socials? How will I get my business seen if I do that?

Focus on my path? Set my goals and stay the course? I’ve always done that. And I’m doing it still because it’s what I want for my life. To never give up, to discuss art and artist.

To create a space for those artists to work and learn.

Imposter Syndrome tells us we don’t have control over those things.

But we do. We have control over what feels like success to each of us. And we should always walk in that.