My Mom took object to a line in my book earlier today where I noted that when I started playing games in 1996, she didn't get into it.

In fact, she did.. by watching me. She then rattled off memorable parts of Crash Bandicoot, Banjo-Kazooie, and tons more early-childhood games..

She remembered everything. How I beat them, the names of characters, etc. She was happy that I was happy, because that's all that mattered. I was always cuddled up with her playing. She WAS watching, always.

Everyone knows I've had a rough week.

Wow you know. Right in feelies.

For someone who prides herself on not taking shit for granted, apparently I took it so for granted as a kid I just......... I assumed she tuned out.

She knew Gruntilda. She knew Cortex and knew his first name was "Neo". She knew who cloned Jenova. Didn't need hints.

My Mommy..

The only thing I can say in my defense is I'm on the spectrum and the affects were much more intense as a child. I'd be so sucked in by the experience that *I* tuned everything else out. But yea, unless I had a babysitter, it WAS really almost always cuddled up on her as I played

I've been sitting here wiping tears for an hour as I write about it, realize I have to chuck an entire chapter because it's not right, and reevaluate how we use games to connect to loved ones.

She also said that even if *I* didn't feel close with her after 14, she didn't know it

Dad came to the conclusion that maybe my anger at my Mom was something that dominated my thoughts but the love was there and the love actually dominated my conduct, because once I hit 20ish, Mom felt like we'd been as close as before. I didn't feel it until a couple years ago.

Now I sit here, 31 years old, crying and just looking at the clock until she wakes up so I can give her a hug and tell her how much I love her, because she STILL watches me game. A *LOT* of #IGCvNES was spent with my parents in the room, all of us bunched up and happy together.

I don't want to get into the details of our falling out but my friends all know it and most have known me since before I patched it up totally. She made a big mistake, and although she IMMEDIATELY did the best anyone could possibly do to correct it, I felt so angry and betrayed.

I think by my 20s the attitude had cooled but I kinda felt cold to her and anytime I started feeling warm again, I thought about what she'd done, and closed off.

When I found out Dad had Alzheimer's, the first thing I did was made sure I would bury that hatchet forever.

I got Mom a locket that had a picture of us from a special day of my childhood and I told her that I forgive her unconditionally and have always loved her. It'd been like the third or fourth time I'd said it, but it was truly then I let it go and I knew it was for good.

And the good days started coming again.

I never realized how much Mom suffered indignation. The age gap between my parents is huge and Mom didn't look her age, wore braces until I was 10 because she never got them as a teenager. Didn't speak English, then had a thick accent..

People who said shit like "mail order bride" or "gold digger" or whatever..

They never saw my parents at home. They never saw my Mom's face light up when she heard Dad's car pull-in. She didn't see them snuggle up on the couch, totally in love and content. They are STILL in love

Before Covid, I used to tell my friends "I am so lucky that my parents are my parents. They still go on dates. Like kids. They went to AC/DC for fuck's sake and went into the mosh pit! Like, just a couple years ago, not a long time ago." They'd go to the movies every Friday.

I'm not saying they never fight or anything. Of course not. I don't even think that would be healthy. When I was a kid, the only time they spoke Spanish at home was when they didn't want me to know what they were saying until I stupidly said "Tambien hablo espanol!"

"SINCE WHEN"

(It was a bluff, I didn't at the time :P)

But anyway, that's what truly made me lucky and still does. My parents are devoted. I have friends who grew up without that, and while I'd like to say I NEVER took it for granted, I certainly don't now. I've used it to stay sober & happy

The one thing I know crushes my Mom is I never got into music because music really messed with me. Maybe it was just HER music. She's a huge Nirvana fan, Green Day, Red Hot Chili Peppers.. hey I wasn't listening BUT I was paying attention to her humming WELCOME TO PARADISE!

Okay, so I never actually listened to music WITH her and she never played games WITH me, but when we did, we were with each-other. I'll never say I had no friends growing up again, because it's bullshit. I had the best friend anyone could have. I never felt lonely because of her.