Yesterday on my Insta Story, I asked people to tell me what moment of their life they would take back if they could. 89% of responders (yes, I counted to be sure) out of 536 responses said they wish they hadn’t rushed into marriage when they did.

If you’re already furious at me,

calm down. Let me discount your arguments before I begin:

1. This post isn’t against marriage.

2. If you’re truly happily married, your marriage is a blessing to you and not a source of constant worry, unhappiness and feeling of entrapment, this post isn’t for you.

Why do women rush into marriage just for the sake of it? I researched and asked people as well, especially some of those who responded to the insta story question. Here are some quoted responses:

- “It just seemed like the next step to take, we had dated for so long”

- “I’m horrified at myself to see how desperate I was then to marry my husband. He wasn’t ready, we weren’t even that happy together but I felt that marriage would change him so I pressured him and gave hints everyday until he proposed. I was in love with him.”

- “Ife I married at 39. Time was going and I didn’t want to be a spinster for life so I married him. In fact, I just moved in then my family started disturbing him so we did something small.”

- “I stopped believing in love so I married the girl I liked. Now I’m in love with...

someone else and I’m here thinking, what did I get myself into?”

Here are some responses that caused me to call the ladies immediately:

- “I’m fat, he’s the only one that could have married me. ”

- “I worshipped my boyfriend/husband, I still do sha, that’s how I know...

how to do it. So when he asked us to get married, I felt special as if this amazing guy wants to be with me forever. He used to hit me even then but my mother said it was normal if a man loved a woman. My pinkie is still fractured from the last beating, I’m just 23.”

For many women, marriage offers security against prying eyes in the society. It’s as though when they get married, they’re screaming, “Society, look at me now, I did what you wanted, have I made you happy?”

Meanwhile, society isn’t listening, they’ve moved on to the next prey.

Other women rush to get married so they can join their friends in the married club. This translates to deep seethed envy and covetousness. You want what others have rather than working towards what YOU WANT for the right reasons.

Aa I’ve shown many times, I’m a lover, a romantic & a believer in happily ever after. I am also a lover of myself which makes me understand that I would rather stay single and put myself in an old people’s home when I grow old than to rush into marriage FOR ALL THE WRONG REASONS.

Believe me, I tried to rush into marriage, my spirit conflicted so badly with me, I had to break things off.

It was wrong, I was turning 30, it gets harder from there so I decided to do it quickly, with a man I never loved nor respected. I just couldn't do it.

Please know that racing to get married is dangerous not just for your relationship, but also your own sanity.

Being alone is scary, being married and alone can drive you insane!

Have you allowed yourself to think deeply and ask yourself these important questions:

- “AM I EQUIPPED FOR WHAT TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE REQUIRES?”

-“Do I want to be married NOW?”

The premium you place on marriage, do you place such premium on self-love, mental & emotional health, spiritual and soulful connection with yourself?

How about your finances? Can you fend for yourself? Do you even know what LOVE means?

Placing a premium on these things help you to commit to yourself, to love yourself and know yourself. As a result, it becomes easier to decide when, IF or whom you want to be permanently tied with, FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

You have to be at peace with empty Saturday evenings,

constant alienation, aloneness and (sometimes) sexlessness in order to choose who’s right for you.

Please don’t just half shut your eyes and grab what’s available. This is a careless approach which ends up hurting too many people, including innocent kids.

#DANG