Welcome to today's edition of the White House Daily Shadow briefing thread. With @PressSec out of commission, it's our duty to surface the questions of the day and give you the real info you need to make up your own minds, although we're not fair and balanced

2. Let me start with a brief opening statement. We know when the President's last negative covid test was and it will reveal that this story is way worse than previously thought. And for that reason we are not going to reveal it today, tomorrow or ever. Just like the taxes.

3. As much flack as we're taking for hiding things is way less than if you guys actually knew the truth. So don't bother asking me questions about this today. Q. When was the President's last negative covid test. A. Let me look at my book here. Oh shit, now i know why we can't

4. tell you. I'd plan to give you a few hints, but this is really bad. I can't believe someone actually wrote this down. Hey White House photographers, can you get a shot of these talking points? Q. Why did the President back out of the debates? A. First you have to understand

5. President is not well. The cocktails of drugs the doctors are giving him, plus the ones they don't know about has him not only talking to the portraits, i saw him earlier dancing with the portrait of FDR. So my best guess is he's afraid to debate and he doesn't want to answer

6. any of these pesky health questions. Plus he needs to rest every five minutes or so. Now he's open to a twitter debate if they can put that together. Q. The President is losing badly, doesn't he need to debate. A. First, we told the President he won the first debate and

7. second, no one has told him he's behind. We are exclusively giving him phone in polls from Kiss 95 on the FM dial in Surprise Nevada. So he thinks he doing just fine. Q. What did the President think of the debate last night? A. He hated it. Pence was supposed to take the

8. for everything. But instead he used this bullshit line that the President did everything right. Everyone knows, including the President, that they did everything wrong. The whole plan was to have Pence take the blame. He's pretty pissed and he summoned him back to the WH.

9. Q. Is that why the VP has cancelled his Indiana trip and going back to DC? A. That's part of it, plus the President wants to show people that he can contract pink eye and defeat it just like Covid. Q. The President called Kamala Harris a monster and a communist last night.

10. What does he base that on and is that appropriate? A. It's certainly appropriate for a guy married three time, paid off a porn star, raped and sexually assaulted over 30 women and generally is an all around pig. Make sense? Q. What's the latest on the stimulus talks.

11. A. The President called them off so they are off. The President firmly believes its worth punishing 300 million Americans because he didn't get his way on something. Remember when he shut the government down and took credit. He just wants everyone to be sure, despite being

12 out office by then, that the coming recession is called the Trump Recession. He doesn't understand he doesn't get a licensing fee on a recession. Q. The Speaker of the House is proposing a bipartisan commission to examine the President to see if he's capable of continuing to

13. serve as President. Is that something the President would agree to? A. Speaking for myself its a great idea because trust me he's batshit crazy right now. My guess is we can get him to agree as long as Jim Jordan and Marsha Blackburn are on the committee. He loves them.

14. Q. Does the President feel any responsibility for the militia groups in Michigan planning to kidnap the Governor? A. Of course he does. He ordered it the day he went into the hospital so he'd have deniability and was wondering what had happened. Oh yeah, he also condemns

15. violence of all kinds..wink wink... Q. The President's top strategist said it was Whitmer's fault for all the hate in her heart basically justifying the kidnapping of a sitting Governor. Does the President agree. A. The President had a belly laugh over that one. He said

16. Miller had so much love in his own heart for his own young son that he refusing to pay court ordered child support. He loves that guy too. Q. Any update of Chris Christie. A. The President is not familiar with anyone named Chris. Q. The President keeps releasing videos from

17. the White House that are shot in front of a green screen to project a White House image. Isn't that deceptive. A. No, it's really cool. Tomorrow he's going to tweet a video from the moon. top that sleepy Joe. Q. Is the President concerned about being 11 points behind in

18. Florida having lost significant support among seniors. A. He thinks the seniors are all as senile as Biden. He believes they are undercounting votes and DeSantis has promised him the fix is in. So now he's not worried, he's scared shitless.

19. Q. In on of the videos the President described him self as a great physical speciman. Was he serious. A. Yes he was. The President views it in the context of competing in a category. Like senior golf or masters and old people athletic events. So in the category of disgusting

20 morbidly obese men who wear too much makeup and hair spray, he's at the top of his class. And who am i to argue. Q. The President today suggested the Speaker should be under observation. Observation for what. A. I don't have the slightest idea but he did say it right after he

21. popped some more steroids. Those are just like candy for him and he always takes two scoops. Q. The DC Dept. of Health is directing anyone who was at the superspreader event on Saturday to get tested. Why hasn't the WH done this? A. The President is like a caveman. He wants

22. to see how many people he can infect. It a primordial urge on his part. He's agreed to stop and come clean at 1000. Q. What is the President doing to prepare for the Hurricane? A. He ordered extra sharpies from Amazon last night. Got here today and he's not even a prime

23. member. Something about failing the credit check. That's enough questions. Let me finish by reminding you that the press is not the enemy of the people, dishonesty and corruption are the enemies. Coverups are enemies of the people. Morbidly obese great physical specimens are

24. enemies of the people. Leaders who are incompetent and indifferent to the suffering of the American people are enemies of the people. Science deniers are enemies of the people. Cheap grifters are enemies of the people. Military demeaners are enemies of the people. I leave you

25. before i drop the mic, to decide if Donald Trump fits that bill and is an enemy of the people. If you're not sure, the answer is in number 26 of this thread.

26. Yes.