Read on Twitter
Living with #bipolar sometimes means dealing with hypersexuality. It's by far one of the hardest conversations to have because of the shame associated with wanting sex not just as a woman, but for me, a Muslim woman with a hijab.
This is (a snippet of) my story.
This is (a snippet of) my story.
After getting diagnosed, I knew what to expect - mood cycles between hypomania and depression. I knew what each cycle brought. And then there was hypersexuality. Asides dealing with suicidal ideations, dealing with hypersensitivity has been one of the hardest things I've done.
How do I explain that it's different from just feeling horny? It's worse! It's raging! It's consuming! It's a force! It was a fixation, except out of my control. Maybe it felt worse because I kept trying to restrain it.
I remember staying in my apartment for over a month for fear that if I stepped out, I'll be too flirty or I'll go on a sex spree with multiple people. It was so scary. It was consuming me.
The thing about bipolar hypersexuality is that it's pent up energy that literally causes you to fidget and somewhat shiver when that energy isn't dissipated. So I had to think of how do deal with this.
I didn't want to have sex so why was this urge and force consuming me?
I needed to do something about it. I didn't want to act on it - partly because of religious beliefs. So my options? Porn? Religious practices? I had them all.
But what has struck me with hypersexuality like many other things is that the more you use force to hold it back, the stronger the urge.
So sometimes, it's not so much that you're experiencing hypersexuality, it's the beliefs and norms that cause you to beat yourself up about having the thoughts in the first place.
And honestly, in this episode of this podcast, I lay it bare. You're not a bad person if you had to have sex, against your belief system. How you choose to deal with hypersexuality is not your fault. I've been there. I know what I had to do.
What we don't need in addition to all the peculiarities of living with a mental health condition, is shame for the things we have to deal with.
Listen to the full episode of this podcast - The Voice in My Head - https://podcasts.apple.com/ng/podcast/the-voice-in-my-head/id1531184440 and reach out to @shewriteswoman_ if you'll like to speak with a mental health professional.
