Fun fact:

Using what an abuser did to a target against that target later is also abuse.

Vilifying someone for scars acquired defending themselves from abuse, for prices paid to escape it, is WORSE than the initial abuse. They know it's there and use it to harm further.

One of the nastier things some abusers will pull is pulling shit to deliberately work the target up -- blocking bathroom access, verbal abuse, taking things like glasses/keys/personal items and threatening to destroy them... then calling witnesses/cops/recording (2/n)

and saying "see what this psycho person is doing?! See them attacking me?!"

The ex who's why I stopped dating after we split for good in Jan '16 did this; his ex-wife and I had a lovely chat a few months after I left him. She told me that I left just in time; that his (3/n)

blocking access to things WOULD escalate to physical, and that he would not only use attempts to retrieve things (ranging from critical to sentimental) as an excuse to get violent... but he would ALSO use them as an excuse to call the cops on her and report HER for DV. (4/n)

She showed me some of the reports/history. They were about 50-50 on the DV charges including some reports against HER where she had visible bruising/black eyes/etc. He had all his controlled circle of friends (no one was "allowed" to talk to both her AND him) believing she (5/n)

was stalking him, horribly abusive TO HIM, etc. Showed some of them the half the reports that blamed HER, but left off things like the documented damage to her. At one point he literally reported her for DV when she startled him and he scratched his arm on something. (6/n)

He did it to control her; "do what I want or I call the cops!"

Dumbass tried it with me, too, except I was out for a walk clearing my head and he loudly threatened to call the cops and report me as a danger to myself. (Post-blizzard. I was wearing a long coat rated to -30. (7/n)

He'd gone psycho screaming at me out of nowhere; of COURSE I wasn't enthused about going back in.) He did this in the parking lot in a carrying voice so all the apartment complex could hear.

He forgot that I ALSO have theater training and had a better angle. (8/n)

In a clear, calm voice that bounced off building walls I invited him to call the cops. And I would tell them how he had locked my things away, blocked access to the loo, and then came out and threatened me with the cops.

His neighbors dug my car out of the ice that night. (9/n)

The point is, that was a THING for him. A pattern, to trigger something he could claim was the other person acting nuts and call the cops on them.

I've heard similar stories from several friends over the years, all genders. Threatening to report DV is a KNOWN abuser trick. (10/)

And it has the extra whammy of being something the abuse target is likely ashamed of.

It's blackmail.

Worse, it's blackmail that can be dug up later and weaponized by the abuser (YEARS later, even!) or anyone with a bug up their ass about the target. (11/n)

That ex's ex-wife? She was hampered in a LOT of things because of the false charges. Even the ones he filed but withdrew when she bowed to whatever he wanted. She was seriously considering leaving the area and changing her name because of it. The poor woman was broken. (12/n)

Others I've talked to who have been through that type of blackmail-abuse have said similar. Some have attempted suicide, even a couple whose abusers were in prison for it.

Records don't care about context. They don't list it. And every time anyone found things, nearly (13/n)

all of those targeted with that abuse were assaulted AGAIN, their abusers once again in control.

Sometimes these abusers will record things, audio or video, openly or hidden, crop carefully, and threaten to send the recordings to their target's employers, friends, etc. (14/n)

They don't always even want anything except to see their target terrorized.

I was lucky. I dodged that bullshit. I know too many who couldn't. (I realized recently that I've been helping DV targets escape since before I could drink; I know a LOT.) (15/n)

I don't know if there are resources to help with this specific variety of evil that invites crowd-sourcing the abuse. I'll look into it and put any I find here. (16/n)

I am 100% certain there are people reading this who have been through this.

I tell you now: you are not alone. There is help. We'll figure it out. (17/17)