blanket TW for self-harm

i recently saw a post saying people with scars should be able to wear short sleeves because “other people’s triggers aren’t your responsibility.” as someone with both a huge amount of visible scars and a major self-harm trigger, here are my thoughts.

i think starting this discussion with a sentiment like “your triggers aren’t my responsibility” is dismissive of the genuine ways we’re able to protect one another from discomfort/pain. we put warnings on our tweets, in our media, even in personal conversations, and that matters.

if i’m scrolling through a social media app and come across a graphic depiction of self-harm... well... i’m kind of screwed. i have to spend a substantial amount of time recovering from it when it could’ve all been avoided with a simple trigger warning. i would’ve scrolled past.

for this reason, i’m extra conscientious of the fact that my physical body IS covered in healed scars. to even the most unknowing people, they are clearly self-harm, and i recognize that to those who do know, who have struggled like me, it might be upsetting or even triggering.

so, how do i navigate this out in the world? truthfully, i want to feel free to wear what i like, when i want to, because after all, it’s my body. not to mention the fact that the stigma of mental health *wants* me to cover everything, and i want to fight that oppressive ableism.

i’ve been struggling with self-harm for over a decade now. i used to go to great lengths (bracelets, sleeves, even expensive foundation) to cover my scars, even when they were far past healed. at some point, it became so ingrained in my appearance, that i couldn’t do it anymore.

nowadays, i try to keep them covered up if they haven’t healed completely yet (unless i’m alone or only with my partner, who’s explicitly expressed comfort with it.) that being said, if you don’t want to cover at all, you shouldn’t have to... seriously... and here’s my reasoning.

it’s not that we *aren’t* responsible for other people’s triggers on some very real and meaningful level, because trust me, when you get on the internet and start posting graphically about self-harm *without* a trigger warning, you ARE being irresponsible. that’s just the truth.

however, existing out in the world as who you are, scars and all, is *not* putting others in danger! speaking as someone who has a very bad self-harm trigger, during the instances i see someone like me, scars out in a t-shirt, i am only responsible for *myself* and how i cope!

maybe i feel some discomfort, maybe i look down at my own scars, healed and exposed to the world, and have a moment where i need to ground myself, but those are skills i learned in order to navigate the world safely. they’re the same skills that i use when i see self-harm online.

however, this isn’t the same as seeing it online without wanting. we are not directly showing people our bodies, saying “look at this!!” if we were, yes, that would require a warning, but if we’re just standing in line at a store or walking outside, we’re simply just... existing.

so, while saying “you aren’t responsible for someone else’s triggers” feels very reductive to me when it comes having (or seeing) visible self-harm scars, it’s also important to acknowledge that yes, mentally ill people deserve a space in this world, scars and all, healed or not.

this is how i see it:
“people who self-harm should be supported in going outside in whatever clothes they want as long as they’re comfortable. if someone who is triggered by self-harm sees those scars and is distressed, they also deserve the same level of support in that moment.”

on the internet, in curriculum slideshows, in personal conversations, trigger warnings are essential and required, but it’s important as people in trauma recovery, especially those prone to self-injury, to learn skills to cope when we come across something that’s upsetting to us.

this is why mental healthcare is so important. of course not everyone has access to that, so i’ll drop some excellent coping links at the end of this thread. they’re incredible to have handy, especially in public when these situations do happen. coping IS our responsibility.

the truth is, sometimes i’m the person at the grocery store in short-sleeves, claiming my space and working to undo the stigma of mental illness in my own way, and sometimes, i’m the one who’s triggered by seeing self-harm in public. i deserve support in both moments. we all do.

let mentally ill folks make our own decisions about our bodies and lives. we face enough shame and stigma, especially when we’re very visible. self-harm is a tricky subject, but most of us existing with scars are *also* the ones vulnerable to being triggered by self-harm itself.

people who self-harm are most likely used to seeing our own scars and our eyes gloss right over them, the same way your brain doesn’t register your nose even through it’s in your field of vision, but while this can make seeing scars on others more manageable, it doesn’t always.

either way, we get it. we’ve been navigating this our whole lives. when we make these choices, we don’t make them thoughtlessly, and person with visible scars are being incredibly vulnerable in public. we don’t just deserve the freedom to exist, we deserve protection and respect.

self-harm crisis line: https://www.crisistextline.org/topics/self-harm/
coping skills for self harm: http://www.selfinjury.bctr.cornell.edu/perch/resources/distraction-techniques-pm-2.pdf