Truly fascinated by everyone's takes on gender & rhetoric in last night's VP debate.

Also a bit unnerved, tbh.

I am a woman who has zero ability to control my physical & facial responses in conversation. I'm direct & expect other people to be as well.

This has gotten me into more trouble in my life than I like to admit. It's also been a benefit at times. I'm still trying to learn how to anticipate the difference.

B/c I believe in embodiment, I also believe that our bodies & biological sex signal things to people. They see us & anticipate certain behaviors. When we don't deliver what they expect, they're confused. (PSA: People don't like to be confused.)

In some cases, this confusion is resolved by being "pleasantly surprised." I've experienced this reaction from some readers & interlocutors. (I.e. "You don't talk or think like I expect a woman to talk or think. You're more XYZ & that's more comfortable to me.")

In other cases, the confusion is resolved by assigning blame to the one who doesn't act as we expect. The woman is rude, a snob, cold, distant, disdainful, etc. (I.e. "You don't talk or think like I expect a woman to talk or think. Something's wrong w/ you.")

Gender norms in communication are very real & heaven help those of us who go against them.

Obviously, I'm speaking from my own experience as a white woman in generally conservative spaces. But even here, I've struggled to understand & be understood. Imagine the extent to which race & political affiliation execerbates this.

All that to say, if you're confident you can read someone's body language or tone of voice & assign a particular motive to it, stop it.

None of us are objective. We interpret other people's actions based on a whole host of factors that may/may not have anything to do w/ intent.

(I'm sorry. Was that too direct?)