told this story before, not so much in depth, but some have heard it. I deleted it bc I hesitate to share meaningful things online but it’ll probably answer the question I’m asked often & invite you to connect with God as well. a thread.

so anyway...back to my daughter asking why she never met my dad triggering me tonight...

it just reminded me how I ever even found God fr. I always prayed & acknowledged a higher power but it wasn’t til my dad died & I found out I was pregnant w my daughter right after that I had finally had enough of life taking it so hard on me & I was ready to give up on God.

it was the worst bout of depression I could explain. I had been thru so much already that you couldn’t even imagine how my dad dying & leaving me when I needed him the most brought me to this point where I literally said “God are you even real bc it’s no way I deserve this.”

I literally felt silly even saying this out loud at the time but I was so low I just said out of desperation, “God if you’re really there can you please reveal yourself to me somehow.” then I moved on from the thought & continued to endure my daily pain like I knew best.

of course nothing magical happened after that. i guess I didn’t really think much of it anymore. i dismissed it as a moment you have when you’re sad & frustrated, somewhat afraid of questioning God bc of my prior beliefs & got back to just getting through it.

time passed & one random day I got a weird message on IG from this girl I barely knew from HS asking did I get her Facebook message. I said no bc I don’t use Facebook. then she wrote:

*sidenote* smthg just randomly told me to go check that Facebook message. I never did til now. i found it. so this was sent prior to. wild.

anyway, as you can suspect for someone that blatantly asked God to reveal Himself to me out loud, smthg like this that has never happened to me before from a girl that barely knows me is a VERY strange thing. I had mentioned this to no one but she knew my deepest secrets .

I was so shook, I was just like:

anyway the convo continued. it got really deep & she prayed for me in the most beautiful way that nobody had ever prayed for me. but moving on along...

I’ll never forget how I said show yourself if you real & God said, HERE I AM!!! now do you believe? my life became so weird after that spiritually. I barely even talk abt how much bc unless you’ve had a similar experience you would think I was lying probably. or insane...

anyway, after this experience (that’s some mid in comparison to what came next) I stopped playing with God and He revealed Himself to me more & more. it was actually kinda creepy, im not going to lie. I was walking around my house like “omg God is literally watching me.”

that wasn’t the beginning of my peace though. it was actually the start of tearing down everything I ever knew & rebuilding...which gets tough but pain from being hurt due to a lack of love is diff from growing pains & learning to love yourself. it’s developing strength.

anyway, I later realized I had to go through so many traumatic things to fully relate to other ppl that needed a message/sign from God to remind them of their purpose, just like I did. and as much as I have resisted the role, I’m obliged to fulfill it.

this is no testament to me being above the same problems anymore bc I still experience life similarly to most ppl. i just have tapped in spiritually in a way that I receive divine epiphanies that I’m urged to share, hence being Chatty Cathy often.

*sidenote* sometimes I’m just talking shit too that has nothing to do w any of this. I’m sure the difference is clear by context lol.

anyway, that’s the story of how I began my spiritual healing journey/transformation & why I’m always ranting on here abt spirituality & progression. I learned the hard way when you are called to do a thing by God, no matter how weird it is, you better do it.

GOD IS THE GREATEST FORCE ON EARTH. GOD IS LOVE. LOVE IS DIVINE. LOVE IS WITHIN & ALL AROUND. GOD IS WITHIN & ALL AROUND. the absence of love is the absence of God. seek Him always.