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Can we have a genuine chat right now? I’m feeling a certain kind of way and, even though I don’t have the biggest of reach, would like to say some things. (Thread)
First off, 2020 has sucked and it's been incredibly worse for a lot of people than it has been for me, but seeing some of the things people I love have been dealing with along with some of the things I've gone through allows for some self-reflection.
My dad was diagnosed with MS when I was 10. Being that age, I didn't know a lot about the disease, but there was a character in a series of books I was reading whose father had MS and, in that case, the dad went blind almost immediately.
My parents were pretty upfront with me about what was going on, but it was really my mom's reaction to it all that affected me most. Her father had died when she was just 9 and she was terrified of the possibility of my brother and I losing our father at young ages like she had.
For my part, I feel like I handled things by diving further into the things that made me happy. I looked for ways to find humor in everything or be happy in the moment. For myself, which is admittedly selfish, but it's what I did (and still do) because it's a comfort zone.
As I got older, my dad had some really good years thanks to what was an experimental medication at that time that controlled his MS and nearly bankrupted my parents because their insurance wouldn't cover it for a long period of time, but I wasn't aware of that because I was 10.
As I got older, I never had one specific dream. I liked so many things. I had such a wide variety of interests. Both my parents worked 2-3 jobs at a time, are probably still exhausted to this day from it, but always found a way to provide my brother and I with everything.
I'd see that and while I could appreciate them, I knew I never wanted to work as hard as them. Work to live, don't live to work, right? I needed to live a life that would accommodate the life I wanted to live. And, yo, I wanted to live some real fuckin life.
I'd often look at my parents and think, "is this how they really pictured their lives"? Did they get to do the things they wanted to do? Because it was absurdly hard for me to believe that anyone could want to bust their asses like they did just to pay their kid's tuition.
People will always tell you to do what you love, you'll never work a day in your life. I think that's bullshit. There's such a finite amount of people who are good enough, talented enough or lucky enough to make a living from something they have a genuine love & passion for.
And when you're not one of those people, it can become frustrating. Disappointing. Depressing. There's so many ways for everything to collapse when you hit a stop sign in life. I've fucked up more times than I can count, but...it's OK. It's OK, because you're not the only one.
Literally millions of people are in the same situation as you. My senior year in high school, someone said to me, "what are you doing TO yourself? What are you doing FOR yourself?" Literally the best thing anyone has ever said to me.
Even if it's not something you love, find something in life that ALLOWS you the ability to do the things that you do love. Try things! Be interested!
If there are things you want to try, if there are things you want to be, find someway to enjoy them. I loved pro wrestling and wanted to be a WWE superstar. It never happened, but I wrestled for 15 years and did some things that are awesome when I look back!
Did I fail at the ultimate goal? Yeah, I guess so, but I did way more than 16 year-old me could have ever imagined when he first said he wanted to wrestle because he met the Road Dogg in a shopping mall in 1998. Sometimes, you need to give yourself credit.
I wanted to write about baseball. And sure, I never got to be the Daily News' Mets beat guy, but I've written hundreds of baseball blogs over the years that have accrued thousands of views and even became a member of the Internet Baseball Writers Association of America! Cool!
I wanted to try podcasting. And over four years, my buddy and I put out over 150 episodes of a podcast that I'm really proud of! It never blew up or made me rich, but I helped create something that some people actually enjoyed!
I have my YouTube channel now which I absolutely LOVE making silly little videos for. The idea that a thousand people will watch me eat a cheeseburger is outrageous. Once again, not making me rich, but I keep finding ways to find my own little piece of happiness and enjoyment.
In the movie WAITING, the restaurant staff has this penis-showing game they all play that's amazing for morale. When Justin Long is mired in self-pity, Chi McBride tells him to find his own penis-showing game. That's it! That's the advice!
Now trust me, I love porn and respect the hell out of sex workers, but showing off your penis is not always the best idea unless invited to. My version of it is The Sandbox.
You only get one shot at life and there's so many things to be miserable about all the time. Find something for YOU and play in that sandbox for as long as you can. And when you run out of sand? Move to a new box. Keeping finding ways and things and people that bring enjoyment.
You may fall out of love with a hobby or a job or even people, but that's OK! Give yourself time to cry. Give yourself time to mourn. Give yourself time to deal with what you have going on. But then get back in that sandbox.
Real success in life is just being happy with yourself. I can say with certainty that I thought my life would be a lot different at 39 years old than it turned out to be, but honestly? I'm OK. I've fucked up, I've made mistakes, I've lost a lot of people close to me along the way
But I'm here. And I'm doing it. Maybe I won't ever accomplish all of my goals, but I bet I can hit a lot of them. And I'll be happy about each one when I knock them down. Enjoy things as they're happening. Be proud of what you're accomplishing.
Find your sandbox. Fill it with everything you love and play in that sandbox as long as you can.
Sorry for clogging your timelines. Goodnight.
Sorry for clogging your timelines. Goodnight.
