Mike Pence is a human midcentury Chiclet.
Mick Pence is a mortician trying to sell America a coffin on the installment plan.
Mike Pence is a figure from the Corridor of Politicians at an off-brand amusement park.
Mike Pence's eyes are the burnt out taillights on a 1959 Edsel. (For @LynneRaughley)
Mike Pence read a pamphlet on How To Debate that says that mentioning the lady moderator's name a lot will win her heart.
Mike Pence is grandma's forgotten can of Crisco. https://twitter.com/AmyGracieL/status/1314014702037536768
Mike Pence is Bat Boy having taken a Dale Carnegie course.
Mike Pence not only looks like a repressed Major Matt Mason, he's only able to say a few sentence when you pull the string on his back.
Mike Pence is a bowl of unsalted Farina. He is a man-shaped block of shredded wheat. He is library paste in a suit.
Mike Pence's favorite ice cream flavor is Envelope Glue.
I'm not sure--this isn't a metaphor--but are Mike Pence's eyes sinking deeper into his head with every passing second?
If Kamala Harris says Mike Pence's real name, he will tear himself in half & disappear. Mike Pence's real name is Mike Pence.
On his Envelope Glue ice cream, Mike Pence likes a dollop of hot Laundary Starch sauce.
(The misspelling is Mike Pence's fault.)
Mike Pence is the country's most successful Father Coughlin cover band.
No joke: Mike Pence reminds me of every man in a professional setting whose demeanor suggested that I should be honored he was willing to be civil to me.
The way he thanks Susan Page & then refuses to listen to her. "Did you not hear me thank you? That was your serving of courtesy."