Hello, my name is @MichaelHarriot and I’ll be live-tweeting the vice-presidential debate tonight.
Kamala comes out throwing shade.

Pence looks like his face is made out of biscuit dough.

Does his right eye look red to you?
Did Pence just accuse Biden of cultural appropriation?

White supremacy is a culture, right?

But I was pretty upset about that toilet paper thing. I would not subject myself to single ply like an animal.
Pence has that rare quality of fake sincerity only found in preowned Subaru salesmen and middle managers writing an emails about the “upcoming workforce reduction.”

Kamala is acting like a mom at a school board hearing asking why the Vice Principal can’t do long division.
Pence is stalling for time with empty words.

Mod: Why is Trump lying about his healthcare?

Pence: Let me begin by thanking the American people for their thoughts and prayers about the stuff we lie about. I’m gonna talk real slow until I run out of...

Oh look, I’m out of time.
Kamala: Didn’t you hear grown folks talking?

Hide your kids, hide your wife, they finna take your healthcare!

Pence: Just because we went all the way to the SCOTUS to end preexisting conditions doesn’t mean we want to end preexisting conditions

Seriously, hide your kids, tho
The Trump administration DOES believe in science.

They believe climate change is caused by people smoking blunts and the only thing that can change the path of a hurricanes is a Sharpie. They believe you can’t catch COVID if you drink Clorox and eat crackers for communion.
They really beat that “Trump-stopped-travel-from-China” because it’s the only thing Trump did to stop the Coronavirus.

PEOPLE ARE DYING!

It’s almost like Pontius Pilate telling Mary:

“But look how sturdy that cross is!”
Pence: Trump respects the members of our armed forces. I have two sons who are suckers and believe me, Trump would never politicize our brave men and women who I’m politicizing right now.
We bombed those crazy Muslims and killed those Islamic extremists. If you look shady, we won’t hesitate to KILL YOU IN THE NAME OF AMERICAN NINJA JESUS

Now, with regards to the Supreme Court, we hope y’all don’t attack Amy’s faith.
Pence: Before I get to the Supreme Court issue, let me say that I’m proud to stand for the right to life. Life is precious. God created us all and life is important to me.

Oh, why do I keep trying to take your health insurance? Meh...Imma duck that question.

But life, tho.
Kamala looking for Donald Trump’s black judicial appointees.
Moderator: Did Breonna Taylor get justice?

Pence: Riots. Law. Order. 404 Error. Does not compute.

They think America is racist!
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