Groaners

1. An invisible man married an invisible woman.
…The kids were nothing to look at either.

I didn’t think the chiropractor would improve my posture.
…But I stand corrected.

2. I took my new girlfriend out on our first date to the ice rink, and entry was half price.
…She called me a cheap skate.

Studies show cows produce more milk when the farmer talks to them.
…It’s a case of in one ear and out the udder.

3. I used to date a girl with one leg who worked at a brewery.
…She was in charge of the hops.

My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce.
…I found out she was seeing someone on the side.

4. My wife claims I’m the cheapest person she’s ever met.
…I’m not buying it.

5. Did you know that a raven has 17 rigid feathers called pinions, while a crow only has 16.
…The difference between a raven and a crow is just a matter of a pinion.

6. I told my carpenter I didn’t want carpeted steps.
…He gave me a blank stair.

What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up his own incision? …Suture self.

///The end.