[Winter Begonia ep 49 spoilers]

I just had to rewatch this episode right away and I. My heart cannot bear the longing, the yearning, the love... the way everyone behind Winter Begonia managed to portray such raw emotions blows my mind

THESE SHOTS. THE LONGING IN THEM. CRYING.

During this whole scene I could actually hear my heart thumping so fast. The pacing was absolutely genius, I didn't realize I had been holding my breath until he arrived at the Chengs' mansion and I could breathe again ;_;

[Winter Begonia spoilers]

I don't know what made my heart ache more, if Shang Xirui once again refusing to leave Cheng Fengtai, despite the fact that he'd been beat up for days, or that Mrs. Cheng saw him and gave him food right away. She finally saw all the goodness in him

This whole scene...
First, the singing was so beautiful, I got goosebumps. Then, how many times was it stated that nothing matters more than opera to Shang Xirui? Yet he didn't care if he ruined his voice, he would sing for hours on end if it meant Cheng Fengtai would wake up ;_;

[Winter Begonia spoilers]

I was so worried they wouldn't get a nice closure. He lost a sister, lost Xiao Lai, but he got senior sister Ping back ;_; ♡
I think when she hugged him was when I first started sobbing during this episode

The leading up to their reunion was killing me with nerves ajfhadht. Baby SXR got so nervous when he heard that CFT had arrived, I was eating my nails ;;
Also ahfhs Cheng Fengtai brought Shang Xirui 10 floral bouquets, did I cry? Yes. Will I cry again? Probably ;;

[ Winter Begonia spoilers ]

"You don't want to go with me?"

THE WAY MY HEART SHATTERED. Oh my God, he was so happy when Mrs. Cheng gave him the ticket for Shang Xirui but then jngjjfijg. By this time my eyes were actually puffy and red from all the crying, how will I recover

I think this was one of the scenes where I was more convinced there's not a single heterosexual explanation for it.
The two of them staring at e/o across the theater, eyes full of tears, before parting for who knows how long.... the sadness showcased by the actors was so so raw

I forgot to mention!!

One thing I absolutely loved about Winter Begonia was this kind of scenes; when they'd just announced a new play and they showed people getting excited, the preparations, the theater... the background music always set the mood so good! I was always excited

[Winter Begonia spoilers]

THIS WHOLE SCENE. I was just about to have a freaking heartattack. I was literally squirming on my bed. GOSH, THE ANGST NNGKM

(And on another note, Shang Xirui looks like the prettiest vampire here omg)

This Scenehavrhs

I am:

-Devastated
-Sad
-Heartbroken

I don't think I fully understand what exactly happened here. Was he just imagining Shang Xirui? Did SXR just go there to say goodbye and leave again? Did SXR realize he didn't bring any suitcases and came back for them (jk)?

[Winter Begonia spoilers]

I left this scene for last because it impacted me sm.
Shang Xirui breaking down upon hearing Cheng Fengtai's voice, his raspy voice saying "ErYe", all the emotions conveyed by such an outstanding actor... it all made me stop the ep, and take a breath

Then, the gentleness in Cheng Fengtai's voice as he talked softly to him and repeated "Shang lao ban". It felt like he was trying to comfort or reassure the other...

Seriously please give those men every acting award that exists. They took me on such an emotional roller coaster

This thread got so long, but I took 100 screenshots of this ep...
Winter Begonia was a ride. But it was beautiful beyond measure, probably the most beautiful show I have watched. It even made me start liking Chinese opera.
And the ending, albeit bittersweet, was beautiful too ♡