I'm glad that I am someone that always puts in the work to help others and I don't ever want to stop trying my hardest but I do wish I would stop burning myself out doing it

It's really dumb and unhealthy and it does often feel like I'm indirectly punishing myself more often than I care to admit. I've also stifled a lot of my own needs for the sake of others to the point that I don't actually know how to ask for help until I desperately need it

"Asking for help" to me is more like post-breakdown conversations for comfort and talking about what went wrong when in reality it should be actually receiving advice, comfort, support, sharing workloads, etc. before issues start to pile up

I don't know if it's that most people don't know how to help me specifically or if it's just that helping others is such a nebulous idea that people really don't know where to begin even if they are willing to put in the work

Some things that work for me I guess?
-literally just checking in
-making any kind of plans together, even small ones
-reassurance that you're not alone, you matter, etc.
-validation. seriously. also learn to validate people correctly.
-offering space to talk

It will probably vary from person to person? I'd say consider people's love languages and base your response off of that because people often receive comfort the same way they receive love. For me I'm really into receiving quality time and words of affirmation so this reeks of it

Also be mindful of people's history? I don't like to talk about this a lot but I've been extensively gaslighted for a large portion of my life and I often feel very unsure whether people are hurting me or that I deserve better so validation can really mean the world to me. ymmv

I think it's @pickledmint that has a really good thread on validation but I can only find this https://twitter.com/pickledmint/status/1094713926716030976?s=20