Thread by @wxyzums, let me do a thread kinda explaining why i am myself today [...]

let me do a thread kinda explaining why i am myself today

1st, hello sa aking familleh na nandito

ang magsnitch i expose ko kay nanay, ok? labyuol.
2nd, di ako makatulog so lezgaw

a small thread on how my mental health is fcked up

https://twitter.com/wxyzums/status/1313924449075253248

https://twitter.com/wxyzums/status/1313924449075253248

1. Alright so my tatay (mother's side grandpa) would take care of me when i was young pag may trabaho si mama kasi di naman ready sa aking grand arrival si papa

kaya ayorn (he changed dw)

there's this memory of me sitting outside a house or apartment ata yon while my tatay and his kabit are inside. idk what they doin and i also don't remember my thoughts that time.

2. I have watched how my titos literally pointed knives against each other and how my nanay would cry about it.

got privs pero wait lang nahuli ako ni mama

i know the rule not to post everything. I wanted to post this sana sa privs para sila clareese lang ang makakakita but i think i need to let other people see the reason why i am like this, annoying, rude or whatever you call me

3. I watched my nanay cried telling the story her inalagaan before and it feels heavy to know the reason why they suddenly separate when i literally trusted my tatay because he took care of me

4. Laging ung nanay ko ang tinatawag ko kapag may sakit ako but i think my existence annoyed her because my cousin would annoy me and i want her to scold them but instead i got scolded in return

i remember that cousin na inasar ako ng inasar about everything that i ended up crying everytime and couldn't tell nanay because she will be mad.. (that cousin and i were fine na HAHAHAH)

5. My lola (not nanay) would be in my favor when i was a kid then suddenly she decided to turn to my other cousins and favor them. Again, I was denied of love and affection.

6. When my lolo died, I can't feel anything. I was not close with him nor had any simple or short convo. I kinda regret it but yeaaaah shit happens i guess

7. continuing to the topic of my mom working and my dad denying his responsibilities (again, he changed and i didn't hate him. not even a second)

as what i said, i was denied of love, affection and attention from guardians so i literally had no one to guide me and my emotions, reason why i have messy emotional changes.

ok so they won't attend any of my competitions or small contest. i think, that's why i gave up on myself??? plus i never had anyone of them tell me 'congrats', 'i love you', 'i'm proud of you'. OH SHIT I NEVER HEARD MY FATHER GREET ME HAPPY BIRTHDAY PALA

ayon ngaaaa , kaya i can't really return hugs or keep track or my emotions or like even decide for myself NOT impulsively. i can't be sweet to my cousins and brother and i'm sorry for that. Joana, kung nababasa mo man toh ibig sabihin non nakakabasa ka. dejoke labyu

tas ano pa ba..

alam kong may klase mamaya pero putangina lezgaw throwback thursday

tAS AYONX KANCNZ teachers!!!!

i did not hated my teachers back when i was still they're student but now i am questioning them HAHAHHAHA (elem teachers budd)

8. I remember suddenly being expected to win a contest i never even planned to participate in and never had the chance to digest the environment. i remember crying during that contest because my schoolmates would fucking laugh at me (yes, verbal bullying.)

sanay na ko non pero i really cried that day kasi natapunan ako ng tubig, the teacher doesn't care, i was afraid of him and his remarks, the contest was held in other school

yes, may nakakita sakin na ibang students na umiiyak habang bada

9. shempre hindi lang yon, there is this sports comp na divisional ata basta i remember crying while lining up for throwing the thing tas i was forced so i really really cried. ( i tried my best not to cry ok? i am emotionally unstable so fuck :))

i remember ung ibang students na ka compete ko would comfort me kasi i am literally crying na. don't ask where's the teachers at, idk i cried the whole time :)

10. this one was in indang, same competition with 7 pero buong cavite na. i was told to get lost so i did :) i left the waiting room to compete without any teachers since my category is the last competition. we could leave one by one after we're done with the piece so-

- so my partner (schoolmate) left me there. i made friends from other school so i waited for them and decided not to comeback muna sa waiting room until ayun nga, kailangan na umuwi ksi mag gagabi na. idk how my teachers and schoolmates found me basta nakauwi ako with them :)

9 might be the reason why i have no sportmanship and literally no confidence at all HAHAHAHAHAH tas ung sa 10 naman it was not the first time i got lost

i vaguely remember being lost in sea of strangers without anyone i know until ayon makita ako ng schoolmate ko. i think i have a memory of my teacher saying "hindi naman namin alam na seseryosohin mo ung sinabi namin" looooool

11. speaking of getting lost, i was lost sa manila when i was a kid but i got back kasi lumapit ako sa pulis #adventure HAHHJDJANFBA (anyone is allowed to laugh in this thread omfg memories nalang yarn) my aunt would make fun of me holding the police's hand pa before but heyacab

plus that memory of 'lumayas ako aging under 10 ata'

12. (tangina 12 naaaa?) pero ayon nga, i was confused and denied of everything kaya one night i decided to go out of the house while my parents didn't know. i remember sitting at that dark side of the road tas tulala lang

linamok ata ako non so i had no choice but to go back

#adventure ulet

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