(1/8) Today, I’m writing an obituary of a friend. You don’t know him—he isn’t well-known (but with some luck he might have been). What I’m writing isn’t for a periodical & will only be read by a very few people. But it’s forced me to wrestle with big issues I’d prefer to ignore.

(2/8) I know this is a time of pandemic, but among people close to me, the leading cause of death recently has been suicide, not a virus. If this is true for me, it must be even more true for younger people—suicide is twice as deadly as COVID-19 for individuals under 40.

(3/8) The usual response to this is to encourage those considering self-harm to call for help (1-800-273-8255). That’s good advice. But I’m surprised how rarely anyone mentions the culture of hate, anger, insult & even vengeance that we live in—confronting all of us every day.

(4/8) It’s hard to escape the conclusion that something ugly and soul-killing is pervasive in our culture. And it’s getting worse. More to the point, this is something that no vaccine or face mask will fix. Even after viruses come and go, our epidemic of self-harm will remain.

(5/8) Instead of sharing a phone number, maybe we should consider sharing more benevolence & compassion. Maybe we can ratchet down the aggression with which we deal with one another. Instead of praising someone in an obituary, we can share kind words while they are still with us.

(6/8) I sometimes wonder how I'd have felt if someone had predicted, years ago, the rise of social media. Let’s say I knew I'd be given a way to communicate instantly with everyone on the planet—how would I use it? A person would take that responsibility very seriously, no?

(7/8) So why don’t we? Why do bullies get so much visibility in our culture? Why is hate so popular? I don’t have answers—at least not as an individual. But as a community, we do have a solution. Don't we deserve something better than this? Shouldn't we do more to earn it?

(8/8) One last though: The next month might be a good time to start.