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just a thread of what i& #39;m feeling.
(i might do this every day, every night, who knows. i just want to write something.)
tw: just me being a self-deprecating blob, nothing to see here.
(i might do this every day, every night, who knows. i just want to write something.)
tw: just me being a self-deprecating blob, nothing to see here.
i actually can& #39;t... express myself well right now. it& #39;s not that i& #39;m not feeling anything, it& #39;s more like i feel too much and i can& #39;t process it all.
but i& #39;m gonna try. maybe i should break it down into tinier bits, relate what i& #39;m feeling to certain topics? that might work.
so uh. i gues i should start with how i feel about people. or relationships in general - family, friends, i guess.
i& #39;m surrounded by people but i& #39;m still lonely.
i& #39;m surrounded by people but i& #39;m still lonely.
i don& #39;t even understand why. maybe i like the idea of having company, but i don& #39;t want them near me. i don& #39;t want people to get too close. i don& #39;t want them to see how much of a useless piece of shit i am.
it& #39;s hard for me to interact with friends through phones and laptop screens. it& #39;s hard for me to say anything worthwhile. it& #39;s hard for me to smile at my family and pretend there& #39;s nothing wrong.
(because everything about me is wrong.)
(because everything about me is wrong.)
i miss having the ability to cry. my eyes are too dry for it nowadays.
