My brother would have been 38 today. It is a soft sad day. It is just over 23 years since he died but it never leaves. It does get easier to bear.

I just want to remember him, and let those of you who are suffering tidal waves of grief know that the waves settle in time.

Longer than you think if the death was sudden, which applies to Covid now. It isn’t easy.

Mr brother died by suicide. As painful as it is to talk about, I know it is important. There was such a stigma then, there still is.

It leaves an enormous dark hole. I know to leave it.

If you are suffering, know that it gets to a point - eventually - that you can appreciate the joy of colour, nature, flowers and all good things. That can co-exist with the pain of loss. The pain does ease. It becomes part of you (and you know you would never want it not to be).

I have also had my own mental health struggles as many of us have had. If I have learned anything, it is to treat yourself with kindness, try to treat yourself as you would your own best friend, learn to forgive yourself. I am still learning this but I see it now at least.

Grief extends your emotional octaves. You will have moments of happiness again. You will be more empathetic (and that will be difficult at first, the grief of others can be very triggering for a long time). But overall that extension is a very good thing. Grief found me early.

And I resented that at first. I could see at 22 that everyone else was carefree and unaware of the reality of what was ahead and where I was. A place I couldn’t leave. But I did get through.

Now, as I see friends hit that same shore, I can be there for them. I understand.

I do think that going through that has helped me so much with life right now in Covid. I know what it is like for your life to stop suddenly, to be changed and diverted by rough external forces. I know that it isn’t forever. I can pause and feel calm. I am happy for what I have.