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Having been assessed as autistic recently and having reflected on it enough to feel comfortable to share, and hopefully bring a bit of awareness to autism, here...I& #39;m going to do that thing...yes, a thread..
For a long while, I& #39;ve suspected that I was autistic. But I was masking it well and seemed to function fine within society. So I thought.
As I grew to love the writing community I began to get invites to book launches and started to attend @SCBWI_BI events. But it was a struggle, physically. I would always be the first to leave. Not because I wanted to but because my senses would overload and I& #39;d begin to shutdown.
It is why I had to leave early during your wonderful book launches @mkhanauthor @NizRite @HollyRivers_Lit .
And why I retreated to my room in the evenings during @BookBoundUK retreat . I was in pain for many reasons but consigned myself to being that weirdo and really wanted to join in with @lavendarlee123 @CaraLovelock1 @susankmann @LMMinns
So what does a shutdown look like. While I start to act odd. My facial expressions begin to strain as I force myself to look like I& #39;m listening. But my hearing literally shuts down. I. Cannot. Hear. ANYTHING.
The lights and noises become too much to bear. So I stop talking and focus all my energy into social conformity. Smile, eye contact. But even that becomes too much. My head will look to the ground as I decide it& #39;s time to leave.
In that time I begin to make an assessment of the polite time to leave without being rude. This itself is exhausting as I try to be as subtle as possible. There comes a point where I& #39;m so exhausted I no longer care if it looks rude I just need to leave.
Then when I have left I congratulate myself that I did it. I managed to attend something I really wanted to go to and really wanted to see the people I wanted to see and even met new people to boot! And this is enough for me. But then the processing begins.
