Hm. I'm happy. I spent some months thinking that if only I had a place to sit and look out of the window while working I would be happy, and shrugged it off as procrastination, then I got very sad, then I bought a tiny table that fits by a window.
Now I'm happy.

I often think that we are taught too much that happiness does not depend on getting that thing you think will make you happy. Sometimes it doesn't and sometimes it does. Sometimes you actually know what you need.

I had told myself so much that I did not really need a window view to be happy that I had entirely forgotten how it feels to be happy. Some people are just attuned to some specific thing - in my case, space, furniture, architecture, rooms. It's not optional.

For other people it's socialising, sounds, smells, exercise, colours, tastes that give them real joy and peace and focus... No, you don't need to have more and more things and have all demands met all the time to be happy, but to deny yourself your core comforts will be hurtful.

I don't think that's what mindfulness is about, neither. I can be mindful in a dark room where everything is on the verge of collapse and the window is painted shut and it'll stop me from freaking out, but it'll also tell me to try fix that so I can feel really happy.

Fixing things is not procrastination and mindfulness and stoicism is not a way of never having to fix things, and what fixing things means for you is individual, and important, and a learning process.

If you tell yourself you don't need to fix anything, just accept and accept, something will crack. There will be a gap between who you tell yourself you are, and put all your energy into being, and who you are when you are hurting and ashamed and confused for hurting.

And yeah, that hurt and shame and exhaustion will often be about something that seems ridiculous, small, something you should easily just get over, something that one day maybe, something that's a whim surely.
And you meditate harder, or whatever you hope will help.

Sometimes you just need to fix the thing. I have forgotten that so often over the years...
Anyway, got things to draw while looking out this window.
It's hard to tell the wants from the needs. Needs are real though. I hope you get what you need.
Be excellent to each other.