You know, the Chick-fil-A you go to in Georgia isn't all that different than the Chick-fil-A you're planning on going to in New York. https://twitter.com/ashcherub/status/1313638307394465802

How will the Times Square "Live, Laugh, Love" tee shirt industry survive without your 100% guaranteed purchase?

But who will demand the manager at the continental breakfast buffet because they already saw that episode of Dr Phil playing silently on the screen above the waffle machine?

One less person military saluting the private mall cop stationed at Bath and Body Works is one too many.

All 528 of The Only Original Ray's Pizzaria locations will not miss you.

The numbers are in, NASDAQ shares of "up and coming" local rappers selling blank mix tape CDs implode.

I'm sorry, even with a receipt, we will not be refunding your matching Remember 9/11 Twin Towers salt and pepper shakers.

"Professor, where did you see that statistic anomaly, you know, when there was a 372% drop in calls to 911?"

"October 2020."

- The Year 2439

That's OK, we still have people who will tell us that 400 city bikes are wastefully taking up three parking spots.

"What do you mean Jerry Seinfeld is not performing tonight, he was on the flyer"