I wish I could stay positive about things for more than a few minutes at a time...; the moment I do, I often will remember some little thing that brings me right back down, and, given the way my mind has been working lately, that's not a good thing at all....

I'm still nowhere near being able to get back out on my own, and am doing good just to hold down a part-time job that's barely averaged 20 hours a week since the ongoing pandemic started; I'm still considered an essential worker, and I'm starting to believe this is the only

reason I'm still employed at *all*! Given that I have, as I've mentioned before, literally one functional job-skill that's rapidly becoming obsolete, and neither the resources or ability to learn anything new that's marketable in any short order of time, one bad day would be

all it takes to end what little hope for self-happiness I have...just want this anxiety and self-inflicted mental stress/anxiety to go away so I have have *ANY* self-confidence...but it's not like what I have is curable, nor can I afford anything to help with the anxiety.

Can I just have one day where nothing goes wrong?? One day of, well, to sound childish, puppy-dogs and rainbows to give me a little light? I've been so down on myself lately, that I still haven't even spent all of what money I got for my Birthday in August, and yet, I got

my cousin a small something for HIS Birthday, today...; I mean, he *did* get me the PS4 I've been enjoying, as of late. I'm not even sure where this thread is going anymore, I'm getting a bad combination of anxious and confused...and STILL have to work, tonight.

*depressed sigh* Just don't know what's next in my life, but knowing my luck, it won't likely be good.... :(