A vulnerable thread:
As a kid, on the brand new internet, I exposed myself to things I shouldn't have, innocently. I didn't know better. They left an imprint on me as my first exposure to sex and intimacy. It awoke desires that I still struggle with, 30 years later....

I served a mission, got married in the temple, had kids. Those fetishistic desires were there the whole time, strongly at times, not so strong at others. I tried talking to my first wife about it, but she wouldn't even discuss it or help me figure it out. "It's YOUR problem"

I couldn't get rid of them, no matter what I tried. They always came when I was most lonely or bored. They took over and there seemed little I could do to stop them or avoid them. I was alone a lot during my first marriage, and that didn't help. The problem slowly got worse.

Eventually I realized I had a form of sex addiction. I began recovery on my own through a church program. When I tried to talk to my wife about it, she wanted nothing to do with it and left the state with our kids and filed for divorce. I got therapy, found support groups.

I was open with friends and family when appropriate. I found lasting recovery and the freedom that comes from it. I gave up popular music, movies and TV shows rated PG13 and higher (even some PG movies), and stayed away from ANY of my triggers. Big changes.

They were worth it. I found and met a woman with similar standards. We dated and got married and have kids together. She's been much more open talking with me about my struggles. Our relationship was a lot better right from the start.

I've worked as a leader of recovery groups. I've written in various places to help others with it. I've been asked by church leaders to support others in their recovery. And I've done my best to stay "clean". I've messed up, and still am strongly tempted. I've had many sleepless

nights just lying awake trying to fight temptation. Painful temptation.

And slowly, ever so slowly, I learn what works and doesn't work. I read, observe, test, and try to figure out how to stay in control of my thoughts and actions.

I work with my wife so that our relationship stays healthy because that makes a BIG difference. As a single person, avoiding those thoughts and actions on my own is one thing. As a married person, it requires different strategies, but many similar ones.

And here's the hardest part: What I want to indulge in is not uncommon. It's in pop music, movies, tv shows, literature, even mentioned in the Bible. It's probably as old as humanity. So having church leaders tell me to my face that it's wrong and inappropriate

is a hard pill to swallow and I refused to accept it for years.

I did resist it when I was single for the second time, knowing that even *thinking* of it got me into trouble.

As my family has grown and developed, I've learned more about myself and what needs

those inappropriate desires were trying to fill. The pull towards those thoughts, desires, and behaviors weakens with time. I'm sure they would come flooding back, if I let them. It'll likely always be a weak area of my life. And that's okay. We all have thorns in our sides.

There's lots of places to go for help. First off: The Savior and Heavenly Father. Repent. Then learn, learn, learn, learn from good sources, NOT from those who would want you to indulge in your weakness. They are not your friends.

Change is hard. It's supposed to be hard.

The Lord loves effort. He will not rescue us from all of our struggles. We can only grow BY struggling and learning. That's it. There is no other way. If he doesn't relieve your burden it's because that is what you need to carry to learn to become like Him. Carry it well.

So, when I try to describe plainly and clearly the dangers of sexual indiscretions, sex addictions, and pornography to others on Twitter, it's not from a place of condemnation, anger, or naivete. You must call them out for what they are or you will fall into their trap.

Jesus is the Christ, and the Book of Mormon is True.

If God hadn't shown those things to me, unmistakably and perfectly clearly, as a 20 year old, I would have left the church LONG ago. I am here because I KNOW it's true and He knows I know it.

#LetGodPrevail
#HearHim