would love to go just one day without feeling completely debilitatingly crushed by fear and despair and self-loathing

i just want all the bad shit to be OVER. i know “ugh i wish this would just end already” is a statement from a place of privilege but i would LOVE to wake up and see that all the problems have been solved and tied up with a little bow and i don’t have to think about it anymore

cw suicidal ideation, bad faith ranting//

once again i’m wishing i could talk about chronic passive suicidality without feeling like i’m a monster for making other people have to THINK about that sort of thing as though i’m not thinking about it literally 24/7

cw frank discussion of suicidal ideation //

i know, academically, that most of the people who don’t want me to bring it up without six layers of trigger warnings feel that way because of their own suffering and i desperately wish to respect that but it’s so FUCKING exhausting-

cw suicidal ideation //

-to just. never ever talk about it. it feels extremely disingenuous to talk about my depression WITHOUT it, and i WANT to be upfront and honest abt THAT, but of course i cannot ever say “sorry i couldn’t text back, i was busy on the floor wanting to die”

suicidal ideation discussion //

i just wish i could talk about it the same way weve carved out a space where were allowed talk about other symptoms. i wish i could talk about it earnestly ever because it is as common for me as fucking EATING and blaaah idk. i’m just tired.

also side note, @ adults who asked me before, yeah i do indeed want attention!!!! i want attention and understanding without judgement and i want to feel safe and heard and not like a selfish little ghoul!!!! ugh. okay idk why i did this thread i’m tired gbye.